Finding Yourself in Your Family Stories with Grandma Vee: Ep 25
Highlights from the episode:
The love story that began at a post office
Building a home board by board
How presence becomes a practice
A 95-year-old grandmother’s approach to worry and perspective
Why family stories land differently as you get older
The small rituals that ground a family across decades
Podcast show notes:
This season always pulls me back to the voices and moments that shaped me most. This week, we’re bringing back a special conversation from a couple of years ago, one that feels especially meaningful during the holidays. It’s a visit inside my Grandma Vee’s home in western Pennsylvania, where three generations sat down to talk about life: my grandmother, my mom Terri, and me.
What unfolds is a warm, funny, deeply personal look at family stories, the lessons that stay with us, and the unexpected moments that help us understand who we are. My grandma talks about building a life from scratch, raising kids in a one-bedroom house, finding her own strength after loss, and the quiet bargains she made with herself to stay grounded.
From coal-mining memories to the quiet strength of a 95-year-old woman reflecting on love, loss, and presence, this episode is all heart.
What You’ll Hear:
Growing up in a coal-mining town and the resilience it built (06:54)
How a young couple built their home, literally, board by board (10:25)
Motherhood across three generations (16:07)
The stories that reveal who we become (23:09)
Grief, strength, and learning to stand on your own (54:16)
Tune in to hear how our generational past impacts our present lives. This is the kind of conversation that reminds you to ask the questions, hold the moments, and take in the stories right in front of you that shape who you are.
Be sure to subscribe to Things No One Tells You—Lindsay’s podcast all about the real, unfiltered conversations we don’t always have but should. From big names to everyday voices, each episode dives into the moments that shape us. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!
Follow along with Lindsay below!
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Lindsay: Yeah,
[00:00:01] Grandma Vee: You can get more with sugar than with vinegar.
[00:00:04] Lindsay: And you've told me that about marriage. So at the end, it’s like you can control yourself and the power that you have over your mind, and to really, yeah. Think positive thoughts, but also help you through a circumstance. It's very powerful.
[00:00:21] Terri: You have a good, a lot of good advice. You've had a lot of good advice that I will keep looking for.
[00:00:28] Lindsay: Hey guys, welcome to Things No One Tells You. Alright, so this one is, I'm bringing it back because I'm just gonna be honest. I love the holidays, but at the same time, I have equal anxiety around them, and I have finally become old enough and seasoned enough in my life to admit the fact that I find them stressful because I put so much warmth and like expectation into them because of I think what they meant to me growing up, which might sound crazy.
[00:00:59] But anyway, this episode is a special one that I did and I recorded this two years ago, but I really felt called to put it out this week because I think anybody that is just thinking a lot about family this time of year, as we all are want to do, I think that there is so much in this conversation that I still think about today.
[00:01:21] So this was when I went to my grandma's house, my grandma Vee lived in Western Pennsylvania. My other grandmother, Ellie, is still living; she's 95 years old. She was my only remaining grandparent that I have. But I went to my Grandma Vee’s house to have a conversation with my grandma and my mom, Terri, because growing up, I didn't live close to my grandparents or my aunts and uncles.
[00:01:49] We only lived like a four-hour drive away, but still, it made it feel like this really special thing that we were doing anytime we went to see them for the holidays or just for a visit. But I also realized that it made that time when we were visiting them feel. Really, special. Almost like you didn't want it to end because we didn't get to see them all the time.
[00:02:10] So this conversation that I had with my grandma and my mom, I really wanted to talk to my grandma about her life experience, just like all the different things, and ask her a lot of questions about growing up, about also when she was a mom, where she worked, how she did all the things. It was really cool to have my mom there because it presented this completely different view that I have ever had of my mom, myself, and my grandma.
[00:02:38] Because I was sort of hearing these stories and making these connections at that timeab out like, oh my gosh, this is why I do that. Because that's where it comes from, and these two women before me. And I found that really powerful. And I'm guessing that some of you hearing this will understand exactly what I'm talking about.
[00:02:54] There are stories that my grandma shared that had me laughing out loud. Especially the story about when she was about to give birth to my mom. I don't wanna spoil it, but I just, when you get there, you will know, 'cause I can't imagine that happening now. But also, I wanted to share something that I have thought about a lot in my life, even when I was in high school and college, because we did not live close to our family.
[00:03:18] I would from time to time feel this pull like, oh, I wanna go see my grandparents. I really wanna go see them and visit them and see the rest of the family. And we all get busy, right? And we have these lives, whether you're in college or you're out of college or you're working with kids, whatever. And there is not one time that I made that drive four hours that I ever regretted the time spent.
[00:03:42] And it could have been just spending one night with my grandma and my granddad, seeing my aunts and uncles. So I hope people out there take that, that like I oncecetime had someone say to me, you will never regret the time that you actually go and spend with them. And I really, now looking back, I'm like, that is probably one of the best pieces of advice that I've ever gotten.
[00:04:02] 'Cause man, is that true? Now, moving on, the other thing that I hope you take from this conversation is, people say this, but listening back to this and having this conversation with my mom and my grandma, I realize. We are so much a product of where we're from and how we're raised and who our people are around us.
[00:04:22] I mean, that's very true, but when you think about it in that way, the way that you deal with circumstances that come at you in daily life and you think about and take time to hear the history of your family around you, I really found that helped me in like guiding me in even the way that I made decisions.
[00:04:38] I feel that there is so much power in taking time to ask the questions, and that comes from if you're trying to step to the next level on a job. And it also comes to if you wanna be closer with your family, you know, so. I would say taking the time to sit with your relatives around your holiday tables and just asking random questions, getting to know something that you've never asked before about the history of, you know, what life was like, is just so valuable.
[00:05:06] I'm done with my deep thoughts with Lindsay, but I hope you love this episode. My grandma Vee, who passed away almost two years ago, I'm so grateful that I had this conversation with her. I'm so glad that my mom was there to be a part of it. And, I hope that you enjoy. Hey everybody. All right.
[00:05:24] I'm so glad you're here for this episode because this one's a little personal. I'm bringing you inside my grandma's house in western Pennsylvania. So my grandma Vee just turned 95, and she's amazing. She always had cheese and crackers out when, anytime we would show u, when I was growing up during my childhood, but I asked her and my mom to join me for a conversation to talk about a lot of different things, and I'm so excited for you guys to be a part of this.
[00:05:48] Come on inside. Hello. This is so, so awesome because I just really want us to have a conversation about just the dynamics in life. And grandma, you've lived in this house since the forties. You built this house with your bare hands, but you're now 95. Like, that's so incredible. How do you feel being 95?
[00:06:12] Grandma Vee: I don't feel that old.
[00:06:15] I really don't, but I'm glad I am that old. Yeah, because it's good to be able to look around and talk to people about things that happen. Then all of a sudden, I remember I'm older than all those people, so you know more, but that's true. You really are. Yeah. So that's the point I'm at. But it's fun because then people ask me what it was like, and, it is, it was a great life.
[00:06:44] Lindsay: I guess that's kind of where I started really wanting to talk to you, is what it's like, but also like what you've learned, you know, what you take away from things. But there are so many stories too that, like my mom has filled in the gaps during the years, but you realize you don't really know about, you know?
[00:07:01] What were you like as a kid?
[00:07:02] Grandma Vee: I was a little bit different because I wanted to play and have a good time, and then as I got older, I got more serious, and so as I got more serious, then that's how I wanted to raise my children, and it worked out so good.
[00:07:20] Terri: But when you had your kids, you still wanted to play and have a good time.
[00:07:24] Grandma Vee: Really?
[00:07:25] Terri: You did?
[00:07:27] Grandma Vee: Oh, yes, Dad and I would go out, my mother would watch the kids, and we would go down to the club and all of our family would go down to the club and dance on a Saturday night, and that was nice. How did you meet Granddad Joe? Down a post office. He came home from the service. And I would go down after school to pick up the mail, and he would be down there. And then he would stick around, or I would stick around until the other one would be seen. And then we'd just like played cat and dog, you know. So you knew you. Yeah. You liked him. So if I wasn't waiting for him, he was waiting for me.
[00:08:11] And then after the length of time, he had an appendix operation, and when he had his appendix operation, his friends would stand there like this because they were mad because I was taking their friend away. Oh, wow. Uhhuh. They didn't like it that I was liking him.
[00:08:31] Terri: That was the good old boys club, and
[00:08:33] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:08:33] Terri: You were the girl trying to get into it.
[00:08:35] Grandma Vee: Yep.
[00:08:36] Lindsay: They knew he was smitten. Probably
[00:08:37] Grandma Vee: Girls didn't do anything about it. It was the boys who were fighting it.
[00:08:42] Lindsay: Isn't that so funny? Oh, that's so funny.
[00:08:44] Grandma Vee: Interesting. How did he ask you to marry him? We were going to go to Vogue Terrace, which is a very fast fantasy restaurant, going out of our area.
[00:08:57] And as he pulled off the road and he, as he pulled off the road, then he said, Just a minute, I want to give you something. So he gave me an engagement ring and asked me if I would accept it. I said, I sure will.
[00:09:13] Lindsay: Aw.
[00:09:14] Grandma Vee: So then we got engaged, and then it wasn't that long, we got married after that, so it went very nicely.
[00:09:23] And we had parents' approval. You know, parents didn't say, nNo you can do that.
[00:09:29] Terri: And you were young.
[00:09:30] Lindsay: How old were you?
[00:09:32] Grandma Vee: 19. Whoa. Yeah. Huh.
[00:09:36] Terri: He was four years older, right?
[00:09:39] Grandma Vee: Yeah. I got this turquoise dress, and it had a low waistband, and on it, it had this ruffle that came up, uhh,u,h like that. And it was so gorgeous that everyone who saw it went crazy over it. So it was, oh my gosh. It made it special. It really did.
[00:10:03] Lindsay: Wow. So when you guys got married, and then I think something that's so interesting is how this community was built, and I know there's a lot of family that lives here, but it was a homesteading community, and you were given an opportunity to apply, right, right.
[00:10:21] For the land and for, so what was that process like?
[00:10:25] Grandma Vee: Anybody who wanted to move ahead in life had the opportunity to go down to the factory. They had. An office at the factory, and anybody who wanted to get a good future started would go to that factory and apply for a job. And then we got a job at the factory, and by getting that job, it paid for what we needed to start building a house.
[00:10:54] Wow. And so that was tough, though, because it's expensive to build a house and you don't make a lot of money in a factory. But they knew we were serious, and we knew they were serious. So everybody worked together. Nobody was like cutting each other's heads off.
[00:11:14] And it just went perfectly.
[00:11:17] Lindsay: What were you like at that point?
[00:11:19] Were you interested in really working? What were women like then?
[00:11:24] Grandma Vee: Once I met him. I just wanna get married. Wow'cause he was a handsome guy. And, he liked me too, so it worked out well.
[00:11:36] Lindsay: Yeah. Were there things that you had thought that you wanted to do, like your interests, even after you met granddad, things that you really liked to do professionally, or,
[00:11:48] Grandma Vee: He wanted to go to Body and Fender school.
[00:11:51] Lindsay: Okay.
[00:11:52] Grandma Vee: Because he was just working at an ordinary factory when he went to Body and Fender School, he was able to get a trade, and by getting that trade at Body and Fender School, when he graduated from that school, he got a job at General Motors. And that's where he was working after that. And then he was making good enough money to start building the house.
[00:12:19] So he went down to Wagner, which was a lumber yard in Youngwood. It's right at the train station. And he went there and he said, I went really badly to get married. I came from the service. And he said, I met this woman that I like, and he said, I'd like to marry her, but I wanna make sure I can support her. So he said, Okay.
[00:12:47] Every Friday, somebody can come down and pick up a load of lumber worth that amount of money. And then you go home and you do the building. Come back next week, and we'll see what we can do for you again. And that's how we built a whole house.
[00:13:08] Terri: You moved in on the back of a lot that grandma had? Yeah.
[00:13:13] Grandma Vee: Uhhuh.
[00:13:13] Lindsay: Wow.
[00:13:14] Terri: Yeah. I was wondering when you were saying that, if you think that they approved that situation because Dad said he had just come back from the service, and if they knew that he was probably a good risk from that. I was wondering about that.
[00:13:27] Grandma Vee: That's what I think it was, because he was dependable.
[00:13:32] Oh wow. And they knew that he wasn't gonna Rene on it, you know? So it worked out really well then.. We both worked. Done, yeah. And I worked in the factory. And then he got a job after that at General Motors.
[00:13:45] Lindsay: And your factory was making clothes? Yes. Is that correct? And then during when the war started, you were making clothes for servicemen, right?
[00:13:53] Is that right? Wow. And then this one came along. My mom. Yeah. Yep. What do you remember of that time when you found out that you were gonna have a baby for the first time?
[00:14:04] Grandma Vee: Well, we had to wait a little while because we couldn't do that right away without, with like,ke stopping the schedule. So we didn't get pregnant right away because we wanted to have the house partially up before we did that.
[00:14:22] So, if you noticed on the pictures, we had a black house with black paper on the outside; it did not have siding on it. Whoa. Because it costs a lot of money to buy siding.
[00:14:36] Lindsay: And you lived in that house.
[00:14:38] Grandma Vee: So we built the house that far, put the black siding on it when the black siding was on it. Then we decided it was time to have the baby.
[00:14:49] Lindsay: Wow.
[00:14:50] Grandma Vee: And that was it.
[00:14:51] Lindsay: So what do you remember about when you found out that you were gonna have a baby?
[00:14:54] Grandma Vee: Well, you had to have something to then that gives you that drive. If you have a drive like that, then you wanna get everything done you wanted you plan to do. Wow. And it worked out perfectly.
[00:15:09] Lindsay: Wow.
[00:15:10] Yeah. So when mom was born, what do you remember of that?
[00:15:16] Terri: Oh my. Well, I think, how about the day that I was born and you were going into labor? It was a Sunday, right?
[00:15:24] Grandma Vee: Oh, it was a Sunday. And I said to Joe, Dad, I go, Joe, wake up. We have to go to the, we have to go to the, hospital. No, we have to go to church first.
[00:15:38] I said, we can't go to church first. We have to go to the hospital.
[00:15:42] Lindsay: And what, so what happened?
[00:15:44] Grandma Vee: Then? We went to church.
[00:15:45] Lindsay: What?
[00:15:46] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:15:47] Lindsay: You were in labor? Yeah.
[00:15:49] Grandma Vee: during church. Yeah.
[00:15:51] Lindsay: And how did that feel?
[00:15:52] Grandma Vee: But see, the first time it takes longer.
[00:15:55] Lindsay: Well, yeah,
[00:15:55] Grandma Vee: So did,
[00:15:56] Lindsay: Were you in pain in church?
[00:15:58] Grandma Vee: Yeah. So priorities?
[00:16:02] Lindsay: Yeah. Oh my gosh. What kind of mom was Grandma?
[00:16:07] Terri: Oh, she was great. She was great. Yeah.
[00:16:10] Lindsay: What was she like as a mom? Mom.
[00:16:12] Terri: She was a fun mom.
[00:16:13] Lindsay: Really?
[00:16:13] Terri: Yeah.
[00:16:14] She was. You were. If you were, you always did things around the house, but if something better, there was something better to do with us; you should say, okay, let's just do it.
[00:16:26] I was one who loved to go shopping, and now I probably regret that because I hear about it all the time about how we always went shopping for me. But you like to shop too?
[00:16:35] Lindsay: My mom has two younger sisters. Sandy, my aunt, is two years younger, and my aunt Anita is nine years younger than my mom.
[00:16:43] Terri: So I think a lot of times they just got dragged along with that when they wouldn't have chosen to do that. But, you would, the shopping was a big deal for us 'cause we, and even until today when I go out shopping. I always know that ke lunch will be a part of it, or maybe a drink, because that's just what we did.
[00:17:01] And we would go outand we would stop and have just a small lunch and shop, and then come home. But she would do that. Or like if there was a pool here in Youngwood and Mom might have a bunch of stuff to do that day, and she would, I would say, Can we go to the pool? And she'd say, sure, we should just stop what we were doing.
[00:17:21] And we'd all go to the pool. It's a public pool and or used to make a lot of stuff to have around. And when my friends would come over, and I remember my friends would steal on Facebook, I'll see them, they'll say, your mom was always the most fun. And it's true. She would make like cream puffs, and they'd all come in.
[00:17:37] And a lot of the friends are people that I still see at reunions and stuff.
[00:17:42] Lindsay: Grandma, you're aware. My mom gets it because that's true. That's how I see you don't make that cry, Mac. That's right, but it's what drives my husband crazy about me. He's like, can't you focus? Don't go do this and that. But I think there's so much that's important.
[00:18:00] I'm a cry. I will not do that, but. I think that's awesome. And we call it Woo. Yeah. You know, it's my mom's. Woo. So what did youreallyal, like? Why did you, why were you like that? Why did you like to just go and have fun? What do you think? Where does that come from?
[00:18:14] Grandma Vee: I just figure you keep moving along. You don't stop.
[00:18:18] Terri: Do you remember how you would always watch American Bandstand with us?
[00:18:21] Grandma Vee: Oh yeah.
[00:18:22] Terri: We knew every song on American Bandstand, on the black and white TV. We would watch it. We knew everybody's name on the show, Myrna, and, oh yeah, we knew everybody's name.
[00:18:33] Lindsay: Don't you think sometimes you just have to like, you just have to go for the adventure?
[00:18:37] Terri: Yep.
[00:18:38] Lindsay: That's what I really believe. That's what my mom taught me. I mean, we talk about that all the time.
[00:18:43] Terri: God, what's wrong? I think that drove your dad crazy, too, because I want to have too many adventures.
[00:18:47] Lindsay: I wanna hear about the family dynamics of how you did it in one house. What was it like growing up? How, what howw many of you lived together for how long?
[00:18:57] Terri: Like before anybody got married? How was that?
[00:19:00] Grandma Vee: Well, before we got married, we girls would all go to a dance, and that's how we would meet the nice guys, you know, had to be a nice guy. So we would meet the nice guy, and then we would go out with them.
[00:19:17] But you had to be, the advantage of that is you had to be home at 11 o'clock 'cause nothing went back home after nine 11. Okay. So we would go home at 11 o'clock and that always turned out nice 'cause we could all go to work the next day, you know, not be tired.
[00:19:38] Lindsay: It just seems like the family was so close.
[00:19:41] You had so many siblings. Yeah. But your siblings were so close. Was it because you guys all stayed in the house so long? How long did you guys live together?
[00:19:50] Grandma Vee: Three years, when you come from a big family, you know, you can separate 'em from you. You know, you've gotta find accommodations for everybody. So right away everybody's going, that's okay, we'll make ends meet, you know?
[00:20:06] And I said, That's okay, but I don't wanna have anybody forced out of anything. And they said they wouldn't be forced out. But then we figured it out that if we were going to get married and we were living in the house, you know, downstairs, okay, we could use the downstairs room. So then when we got married, that one moved out, and then that left room for another one that's able, and it worked. It just kind of fell.
[00:20:38] Terri: Something, huh?
[00:20:39] Lindsay: It is. So what does that make me think about is what was the biggest lesson now? That you think about when you think about how you grew up and everybody being under one roof, how does that play for all different women? You know, like, what are the decisions you make?
[00:20:55] Grandma Vee: But you have to think about this. This is in the very beginning of a marriage. By being at the very beginning of a marriage, you're preparing to live together forever. So you can't go right into that. So we got the room and we were lucky to have one room for us. And then by the time we were getting married, my brother John was getting married.
[00:21:25] So, you know, it, nt right down the, line.
[00:21:28] Lindsay: You had to be like real planners, like that's a little bit of the difference now too. People don't plan out like that. Like when you're talking about, when you said about the house and having the house without siding, and you had to wait.
[00:21:44] So then I'm like, well then, like, what are you, how are you doing that?
[00:21:47] Grandma Vee: You know, it's ironic. But everything falls in place by itself. Yes. You're not forcing it.
[00:21:56] Terri: No.
[00:21:56] Grandma Vee: You're not forcing it. You're all there with the same goal.
[00:22:00] Terri: Yeah. And it's a less-than-ideal situation because you might have one room that the person you're marrying was in, and nobody complained about it.
[00:22:09] And it makes me think about when we were little and you started getting a beach place for us, we would have one room for three people. And then when I got married, the year I got married, we had a hotel, one room, Anita, Sandy, and me, and Chet, we were in that same room. Never did we think it was too tight.
[00:22:32] We're like, thank you so much that you're including us, and we can do it. We would have a cot in there, two double beds, and a couch, and I don't know, I. We didn't have two cots, so I'm sort of wondering if Chet and I and somebody else slept together, but it was never like, oh my gosh, we did it for a week. It was never a problem.
[00:22:52] We were just so happy. And maybe this is what I'm saying. Yeah. So happy to have carved out that family time that we knew was coming every year, that we were like, we didn't care about issues.
[00:23:03] Lindsay: What's one of the craziest things that you remember, or maybe it's not crazy, but that you remember Grandma doing as a mom?
[00:23:09] Terri: I wouldn't call this crazy, but you would make a lot of my clothes. And never would I say, let's go in and get 'em a call papatternAnd here's what I want. I would say I want this dress that has sleeves like Juliet had in the movie we just saw. And we would have you find patterns, one for the sleeve, one for the dress, and you would put all that stuff together.
[00:23:34] And I can't believe, 'cause I saw how you made that work. Oh, that was crazy.
[00:23:40] Grandma Vee: Determination.
[00:23:41] Lindsay: Really. But this is my mom. We wanna be kangaroos for Halloween. Can you do it? And you have a month, maybe not even that much. That's what my mom does for us. She does her Halloween costumes. You go,
[00:23:59] Terri: You always did it.
[00:24:00] So it was like, to me, well, I wanted to do it because that's what you did. Yeah. You always made her Halloween costumes.
[00:24:06] Grandma Vee: Yeah. Because you wanted your kids to be happy.
[00:24:09] Terri: Well, you just, and you were so good. I do remember saying when I was getting married, Would you consider making my dress? You said no. Because I would probably be walking down the aisle behind you, sewing the back. And I'm like, yeah, you're probably right.
[00:24:23] Lindsay: Where did you learn how to sew like that?
[00:24:25] Grandma Vee: Just at the factory.
[00:24:28] Lindsay: Did they teach you when you started?
[00:24:30] Grandma Vee: You learned? Four. Oh yeah. Four H. Four H. You learned how to sew patches. And all these different things. So when you got that learned, then when you went.
[00:24:44] To get a job. It came much easier for you because you knew what you were doing. Wow. Uhhuh. But you go in with a goal that you couldn't do it. You can say, you can't.
[00:24:59] Lindsay: That's the defining thing, too. Yeah. You know, you start with Yes.
[00:25:04] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:25:04] Lindsay: Yes, I can. Some people don't subscribe to that theory,
[00:25:08] Grandma Vee: But the funny part of it is, you are so happy that you succeeded.
[00:25:14] Lindsay: That's true.
[00:25:14] Grandma Vee: You know? Yeah. So if you succeed, it was well worth it.
[00:25:18] Lindsay: Do you remember when we tried our kangaroo costumes on at the Hotel Washington? What was that like for you when we put those guys?
[00:25:25] Terri: Well, it was really awesome, except. Lindsay, you didn't give me a month. I think you gave me two weeks. I did. I just can't believe,
[00:25:34] Lindsay: But I, that's how much faith I have in you because of what you've always been able to do. And that's, now I know where that comes from.
[00:25:39] Terri: No, and you're used to that. You know what that means to, and the kids do. The one that was the trickiest, Melvin's costume,,e was not done. If you remember.
[00:25:49] I'm like, I'm doing the best I can in the hotel room. I pinned it and I sent it with you, Uhhuh. And I said, you have to find a person to sew these seams. Do you have any friends who can sew? Meanwhi, you have to learn how to sew because you could do it, but it's just so funny 'cause you just made so many, or I remember the one that was black, but I wanted the print fabric cover under it with a sheer black cover.
[00:26:13] It was like making two dresses and then you put them together.
[00:26:16] Grandma Vee: But I was so used to sewing, you know, that didn't seem like that big of a poem.
[00:26:21] Terri: That was your big thing. That was your thing that you could really do well.
[00:26:24] Lindsay: Well, and you were probably also artsy.
[00:26:26] Grandma Vee: Yeah. Well, you. The kids, they, they wanted clothes made.
[00:26:32] Which was one fortunate thing. They didn't say, no, I wanna bought one. Yeah. That could have been a drawback, but they did not do that.
[00:26:41] Lindsay: They were, what was it like, Grandma growing This isis taking it back, but I know your dad was a coal miner, and here in western Pennsylvania it's coal mining country.
[00:26:54] I know they called Pittsburgh back in the day. Hell with the top off because of how the sky would light up from the steel mills and all that, too. But what was, what types of things did you see as a kid with your dad as a coal miner?
[00:27:09] Grandma Vee: As my dad, a coal miner. He would go to work every day unless he got hurt.
[00:27:16] If you got hurt, you did not have a job. Did he get hurt a lot? Oh they, a lot of them did. Coal would fall down and hit them.
[00:27:25] Terri: And, isn't that believable?
[00:27:27] Grandma Vee: Yeah, so they could get hurt easily. My dad figured, Do what you think is necessary. He never said, Don't do it. And so I just went ahead and took care of the kids and did that.
[00:27:42] And it was so cute because he would go to work in a coal mine. He would come home. All black coal. So down in the basement, we had a big bathtub. And in this bathtub, my dad would fill it up with water, and he'd put his soap in it, and he would lean over the tub, and we would wash his back and let it run down his back, you know, and play games with him.
[00:28:12] And he loved that. Wow. Yeah. So, you know, you amused him besides,
[00:28:18] Terri: So the way that you would entertain,, mean, the thing is that you look at that as a fun thing. I can't help but think that if I'd said to Lindsay and Andrew when you were little kids, Your dad's really dirty, would you go down and wash his back?
[00:28:31] Yeah. I dunno that you would think. I would think I'm just saying, though, that was just something that you did that, yeah, in that Pittsburgh bath, they called it a Pittsburgh toilet. Yeah, because it was all downstairs, and you would go through the outdoor cellar. Into it straight home, straight from outside,
[00:28:49] Lindsay: Sort of when we started the pandemic and you came home oe, way, you left your clothes. Like he would in a different situation. Yeah. But obviously
[00:28:56] Terri: he would go in through the basement, and I'll bet Grandpa Pawalkedlk did the same thing. But yeah, just is an amazing, it's just an amazing time like this.
[00:29:03] Lindsay: It's amazing how generations skip and so much moves forward or changes. Exactly. And you realize like, and you, 'cause what you just said about me and my brother, I agree, but like you're in the middle of that mom. So what, I don't think I would've liked that.
[00:29:18] Terri: I think I didn't even like it when I came home from college, and it was a Saturday, ay, and you would make me clean the house with everybody. I remember thinking. Really? Oh yeah. I remember thinking, wait a minute, I like having been here all week. I didn't do one thing.
[00:29:31] Why would I have to clean? I'm not, I mean, I'm just saying it will be like, so you're cleaning your dad's back in dirt, and I come in from college and I'm thinking, why should I have to clean? House, it's just different because maybe if that was you, because I think your mom had you guys all clean in every room in the house, right?
[00:29:51] Grandma Vee: Yeah, but not only that, my aunt and Mount Pleasant, she had poor kids. Oh yes. But she couldn't keep her house clean. So my mother felt sorry for her. So I had to take a streetcar into Mount Pleasant, and I would clean her house because nobody wanted to clean her house. So it would always be me.
[00:30:15] Terri: So you never held any grudges on that because we knew all of their kids, and they would come to the family reunions and that.
[00:30:21] That's just incredible that you did that. You tell that story now, but even though you did that was still. It would be like me saying, Goodo to Aunt Sandy's house and cleaning her house.
[00:30:33] Lindsay: I mean, I would clean my aunt's house, Uhhuh, because I love her, but I would also be like, Why are you asking me to clean my aunt?
[00:30:38] Exactly. But I would go, whoever she sent me to, I would go; it's a different set of rules. It's a different parenting, and it is acceptance of kids, too. I never felt like my mom worked and worked her butt off, and you were like super successful versus as a teacher, then an administrator, or a principal. But I never felt like you worked.
[00:31:00] Definitely, yeah. You know, like when I was a kid, I mean, I knew you worked, I knew your schedule, but you were home for a few years, and then it was like, I just didn't like you. You did such a good job balancing. And it was just our norm 'cause it was our routine. But, and I re like you cooked every meal. We knew it was good.
[00:31:18] Terri: Those times back there weren't so many demands. Your demands were things you had to do. Mine were things I had to do, but we didn't have all these, let's pick this, let's do this, let's do that. Let's, right. We didn't have that.
[00:31:33] Lindsay: Yeah. It's so,
[00:31:34] Terri: And I was able to work my job, and I worked a lot at home on my job, but I didn't have other stuff out there.
[00:31:41] Lindsay: I didn't know that you worked at home a lot on your job.
[00:31:44] Terri: Well, this is just how
[00:31:44] Lindsay: done a good job. But
[00:31:45] Terri: It's just interesting 'cause you do a great job with your kids. You do stuff. When I'm like, I'll say to your dad, she needs to rest and get some sleep. But you try to fit everything in. You make sure your kids get those scavenger hunts, those things, which, to is, blows my mind because I didn't have the things that you have now.
[00:32:07] Yeah. All over the place, stuff that we didn't have that, like our, you had activities, you didn't have a camp every single week of the summer. Yeah. You didn't have, you had soccer.
[00:32:19] Lindsay: And it's kind of like you have to somewhere. Yep. You have more things that you have to think about, but I think you have more decisions that you have to make, maybe now, like, when you're faced with it, because of all the things, right.
[00:32:35] Like do, what is the amount of time that you, where's your line about what, the amount of time that you need to be, you know, with your family or with your kids or when you're gonna work. Like, I love to work, but I've realized that there are. That's hard. It's hard balancing the two, but it's also doable.
[00:32:55] It's very doable. I love that. My kids love to travel, and I'm so grateful that when I was at ESPN, they were the ones who opened my eyes to, oh, you can do this. Because they made it easy. They made it easy for me to take my son to these events and do that kind of thing. So I've gotten very used to that, nd I really value that, you know, but it's also, I've realized how, you know, there are certain times where you really need to be present. So it's a balancing act.
[00:33:26] Terri: I remember when our kids were little and you and Dad would, if we wanted to go somewhere, we would either bring them up here and then you and Chet's parents would share the kids. Or, I remember when I wanted to do the summer of the Northern Virginia writing project, I waited until they were a certain age and sent them up here for two weeks so I could do it.
[00:33:47] And you guys really helped out in that. But it also gave you, which is part of what I think, why you like to come here so much that time, you know, of being here. And I have a book from Sandy when she took the kids to Deep Creek. You guys at Deep Creek Lake. And so. That's how we would, we never had any outside help 'cause we lived away.
[00:34:10] But we would, in the summer, we would carve time out.
[00:34:14] Lindsay: I think kids are inherently just curious and love to be exposed. My kids have been talking about fireflies for two weeks. Yeah. Because they knew they were coming here and they were just excited to catch 'em, and they don't get that experience at home.
[00:34:26] So I think there's so much that, you know, we control that. Like, what are they exposed to? How simple is it? What are the things that everyone is doing their best at? I, so I was blown away by this book, which is about my mom, grandma. You organized all of these books so beautifully in this book. This is about my mom.
[00:34:46] I haven't even seen all these pictures. Oh. You know, what was she like as a baby? As a child? I was perfect as a little girl. Wasn't my mom? Was I perfect when I was a baby? What was she like as a girl? Yeah. Yeah, right. How was it? How would you describe my mom's personality as a kid?
[00:35:03] Grandma Vee: As a kid. Pleasant.
[00:35:05] She was pleasant, shy.
[00:35:09] Terri: No, I wasn't shy.
[00:35:11] Grandma Vee: Little bit shy.
[00:35:12] Terri: Was I a little shy?
[00:35:12] Grandma Vee: Like not overly shy. Shy, but you know.
[00:35:16] Lindsay: So my favorite thing in here is your story of my life. My mom wrote the story of my life, and you saved this.
[00:35:24] Terri: I can't believe you saved that.
[00:35:25] Lindsay: And you have this beautiful, first of all, mom, you have the most beautiful handwriting out of everyone.
[00:35:29] Oh. And I know that you're an artist.
[00:35:31] Terri: Well, thank you. But that's because that's what we learned in school. And if we didn't do it right, the nuns would smack our fingers.
[00:35:36] Lindsay: So you have a lot in this story. I was like, there are so many things that I didn't know, but one of the things that struck me was you said, when I was four and a half, I took ballet lessons.
[00:35:46] After taking them for one year, I was at a recital at Ramsey High in Mount Pleasant. As I stood on the stage, I was very nervous until I saw my mother. Oh no. And then I was relieved a little, and I thought there's just something about mothers and daughters and mothers and kids. Right.
[00:36:02] Terri: That's so true.
[00:36:03] Lindsay: Do you remember what you remember about that?
[00:36:05] Terri: Me?
[00:36:06] Lindsay: Yeah.
[00:36:07] Terri: Oh, I just,
[00:36:07] Yeah, it was awesome.
[00:36:10] Grandma Vee: That's a nice thing about putting it in writing.
[00:36:13] Terri: Yeah. True. But I remember that you would always drive me to lessons, I remember my costume and the song too.
[00:36:24] Lindsay: What was the song? What was the song? What song do you remember, brother?
[00:36:31] Terri: I have learned a ballet dance. Do you remember?
[00:36:40] Lindsay: Mom, Stop.
[00:36:41] Terri: I know. If you can't remember, if you watch and see, remember Uhhuh,
[00:36:49] Grandma Vee: If you can't remember, how can I remember?
[00:36:51] Terri: I just can't do it. But Dad used to sing it.
[00:36:54] Grandma Vee: Uhhuh.
[00:36:56] Terri: Well, this isn't good. I know. How come you don't have these cry genes? That purple costume is somewhere in this house, and not that Sippyy would love it.
[00:37:03] Lindsay: Yeah,
[00:37:04] Terri: It had feathers. Huh?
[00:37:06] Lindsay: How come I have horrible cry genes? Oh, and mom does if you don't do
[00:37:10] Terri: No, you used to.
[00:37:13] Lindsay: And so it gets better.
[00:37:14] Terri: I wanna tell you something. I went, I was thinking about this. You used to, you've really gotten your stuff together with that. You don't do it anymore. You'll say, I'll be like crying over stuff and you're not, and you'll say, I just think.
[00:37:30] There's no sense in doing that. But I tried everything. I've even read books on what you think about when you're gonna cry. So you look like a really cool person.
[00:37:38] Lindsay: Well, I think that what it is that I realized about myself, and I've, this is, I've shared this before, but I feel like I have a very hard time with transitions.
[00:37:49] I have a very heightened sense that his time goes fast, and it's so special, and you don't want it to be gone. Right, right. But I think also with that, it's like you have to figure it out. Like it is, it is transitions, and you have to just, if you can be in the moment, as much as you can be in the moment.
[00:38:06] But I do wonder, I'm like, you're very much like that. I think we are all empathic. We've, which is newsflash, but yeah. Wow. But so with the ballet, it's just, you're thinking about a wonderful memory that you had with your mom in the car, and that's kind of what we're talking about,
[00:38:23] Terri: You know? And it's in, it's really interesting, but you used to be more of a crier.
[00:38:29] Now you just seem to be able to, and this isn't just now, this is maybe the last 10, 15 years, you can put yours. I can be saying, well, mom. And she's like, well, I just look at it like this. But I think you have that. But your brother also has that. Yeah, he's a crier.
[00:38:46] Lindsay: My brother couldn't make it through my rehearsal dinner.
[00:38:49] I know he was giving the speech, and he got about five words out. I know. I was blown away. And your dad, Uhhu, also, so
[00:38:58] Terri: Does your husband, Little bit. Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I just think we're all in trouble. No, I don't. You know, I do think, because I would like to present myself like. Tough like in England, and just be there, just smelling.
[00:39:10] But that's never gonna happen. But you really have been able to do more. I don't know how you did it.
[00:39:14] Grandma Vee: That's You can't be everything.
[00:39:16] Lindsay: No, you can't. I know. So on that note, we think it could be everything.
[00:39:20] Grandma Vee: I know I make bargains with myself. What do you mean? What kind of bargain? Like if I promise myself that I won't be all weepy for something else.
[00:39:30] Yeah. Then the next one I can handle better.
[00:39:33] Lindsay: Wait, and I? Can like what? Yeah, tell us more.
[00:39:37] Grandma Vee: You know, like when you say, you're going to say, you can come over, and I'll say, oh, why can't you come over? Then I stop and think. Don't act like that. Tell her it'll be nice when you're able to come over.
[00:39:55] Lindsay: Oh.
[00:39:55] Grandma Vee: You know, just swing it around a little bit. And you get a different attitude, and it helps so much.
[00:40:02] Lindsay: So you are talking about you control the way that you own, yeah. Outlook is on a situation.
[00:40:10] Grandma Vee: Yeah. But I'm having a little tougher time right now. Really? Yeah. Because the last few weeks I'm thinking too much about too many things, and I've gotta take some of that out of there.
[00:40:23] Lindsay: What kinds of things?
[00:40:25] Grandma Vee: Well, I tell myself I won't let myself get worked up over leaving somebody behind at home. So then I'll tell myself, well, if you do that, then you make a bargain with this.
[00:40:39] Terri: And
[00:40:39] Grandma Vee: kind of work yourself out. That's
[00:40:41] Terri: where I knew you never shared that before, but that's very inter. It's interesting because I know that you're a, I know you're doing something because I know that you're not like, falling apart on stuff that I would be falling apart on.
[00:40:54] Grandma Vee: I'm not falling apart, but I'm trying to rearrange my life a little bit at the end because I'm thinking a little differently.
[00:41:03] Lindsay: Tell me more about, yeah. What are you doing differently?
[00:41:06] Grandma Vee: So when I go to bed at night, I'm put, I put myself in another place. I put myself where the animals are. Or the cat or something, you know?
[00:41:20] And then I'll think, oh, I'm going to live that way instead of worrying about children. Oh, so I'll, because
[00:41:27] Terri: You worry about your kids.
[00:41:29] Grandma Vee: I still worry about that. Oh
[00:41:31] Terri: No, don't tell me that because I worry about mine, and I thought that would go away.
[00:41:36] Grandma Vee: Well, it makes it hard, and if you don't work on it, it's gonna be harder.
[00:41:41] Do you know?
[00:41:42] Terri: Yeah, this, we're probably saving 200 bucks on some therapy session right here, because I never heard that. You turn, asking.
[00:41:51] Grandma Vee: I go to my therapist, like, you know, to the ones you
[00:41:55] Lindsay: Have a therapist. Oh no,
[00:41:57] Grandma Vee: Not regular,
[00:41:58] Terri: But I call it that. Yeah, she's, you're talking about what you, yourself, you've control over your therapy.
[00:42:03] See, I really go to therapy. We pay, I do. We pay a lot of money to go to therapy. You're doing it yourself. Maybe we're, go ahead. Yeah,
[00:42:12] Grandma Vee: So I control myself. So then the ones that got outta hand, I'm wiping them down, saying, Come on, get down there. I have to get this one up here. And I work it out. And I don't know how, but it works.
[00:42:29] Terri: See, that's, you're tough. That's tough that you do that, but that's really.
[00:42:33] what therapists say. So what are the things that you worry about at this point? Can you, like, take us inside? What is it that it, what's it like when you're, you know, you're 95 and you, he's right. You look beautiful. You look like you belong in a soap opera.
[00:42:49] Grandma Vee: No one. Yeah. There's something that I was trying to be specific about, and I'm having a tough time picking it out. But anyway, I can tell when I'm letting myself be overpowered by something else, and then I start thinking, push that to the side a little bit. We've gotta clear up this one. I mean, talk to yourself now.
[00:43:12] That's smart. Yeah. And it works. And I'll think, don't you let yourself worry like you're doing about the past, only the present. And that's what you tried to do.
[00:43:24] Lindsay: Like keeping yourself in the moment.
[00:43:26] Grandma Vee: Uhhuh. Uhhuh,
[00:43:28] Terri: because those moments are pretty doggone important. It is. They're very important. And you could sit there worrying about stuff instead of missing that importance.
[00:43:37] But you still have a way that you do that, that I think a lot of people just, yeah. Have a hard time with.
[00:43:42] Grandma Vee: Yeah. So I made up my mind when I go to bed at night, I try to get myself all calmed down, and I think of the things that I wanna be concerned about. And then I'll wipe out some, and I'll think this waits till tomorrow.
[00:44:00] This is today's, and then I'll go back to tomorrow's. Okay. And that's what I do. And it's hard to do. It is hard, but then you have to really fight yourself because you think, Is it worth all this frustration you're causing yourself? You know? And so I find out, instead of staying frustrated, I work it out inside me.
[00:44:27] Terri: Mom, do you think that your mother had those same things? Do you think she worried that all six of you guys didn't live long enough? She did. She died so young. She was what, 62? She was really young. I
[00:44:40] Lindsay: barely know. I really know nothing about your mom.
[00:44:43] Terri: Oh, now I found a place. I'm so sorry. You can join the club, but can you tell me about your mom?
[00:44:50] Grandma Vee: Yeah. It was very hard because she was too young. She was so sick. Yeah. And it was at a time when they probably. It might have been, I'm not saying she would've lived a lot longer, but it would've been a lot easier. But what I'm wondering is, she had six kids she had to worry about, obviously, you had a happy life, but no one has a perfect family.
[00:45:16] Terri: Yeah. So she had to worry about things.
[00:45:17] Grandma Vee: And then when she got cancer at the end,
[00:45:20] Terri: Uhhuh. Yeah. But I wondered if you learned any of those techniques that you have from her, because then you came off like this really strong mom, and you, which you always were, and now you're still strong with, if you're saying you've got these things.
[00:45:40] 'cause I, I don't know if you, I'm just saying. I always say, you're only as happy as your least happy kid. Yeah. I've read, and I think that's really true. My mom said that a lot, and it can be some dumb old thing, like somebody's upset because they couldn't get the bike they wanted, but I think that's true. So it seems like you've been able to,
[00:45:57] Grandma Vee: Well, I think by getting my mother out of that, now that might be the answer at the end of the day to talk to my mother about it.
[00:46:09] Terri: Do you ever talk to your mother?
[00:46:10]Grandma Vee: Oh, yeah. Huh?
[00:46:12] Terri: Do you? I talk to dad, but I only save it for big things because I don't wanna waste it on something that I really don't need. But you talk to dad too, I know. Yeah. Oh yeah.
[00:46:25] Grandma Vee: And that's what helps you to get over that hump.
[00:46:28] Yep. And then you have to let yourself let it sink in. How do you let it sink in? Well, because I thought about my mother today and brought her back.
[00:46:38] Lindsay: Interesting. What was it like? What kind of woman was your mom? Gentle? Very good. What was it like when she died? How old were you?
[00:46:58] Terri: Oh, let's see. You were just, no, you were not born. I was in high school.
[00:47:03] Grandma Vee: Yeah. So
[00:47:04] Terri: She died in probably 68.
[00:47:06] Grandma Vee: Yeah. Like, way too young.
[00:47:08] Terri: Yeah.
[00:47:09] Lindsay: Do you remember that timeframe when she died and what that, what you guys talked about and what that was like for you?
[00:47:17] Grandma Vee: No, because everybody in the family doesn't do that. You know, some people discuss it, some people don't.
[00:47:25] But I'm the one that I would wanna talk about it.
[00:47:29] Terri: Yeah. And so that's normal to have that because some people just can't talk, nd some can't. Yeah. Uhhuh.
[00:47:34] Grandma Vee: And so she would, you know, I could think about her, or I could talk to her in my sleep, and it worked out good.
[00:47:43] Terri: I was named after her. Her name was Theresa.
[00:47:51] Lindsay: Wow. I didn't, I don't know a lot about her. We all far back and took
[00:47:58] Terri: I know. She is pretty cool. She was very cool. Wow. She had 18 grandchildren.
[00:48:05] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:48:05] Terri: There were 18; six kids had 18 grandchildren. Wow. We just had a little one, and everybody lived within a one-mile radius. That's special. Yeah.
[00:48:17] Everybody did. And it was every, yeah, everybody did
[00:48:20] Grandma Vee: uhhuh, so it all worked out nice. But I think it's gonna help now. That's interesting.
[00:48:27] Terri: That's interesting that so many years after. It's very interesting to you.
[00:48:32] Lindsay: Do you feel like you feel her presence at times?
[00:48:35] Grandma Vee: Well, especially since I brought her up today, and I haven't talked about her in a long time.
[00:48:42] And so I think it will help me that when I go to bed tonight and I'll be thinking of her and with the other parts. Yeah. And see what she can help me with. Wow. Yeah. You just need to talk to them sometimes.
[00:49:00] And that helps. Like granddad. Yeah. My dad was a calm man.
[00:49:10] Terri: He was.
[00:49:13] Lindsay: So, Grandma, do you have good advice on?
[00:49:19] I would love to get your take and advice from your wisdom, right? Yes. What is your best advice for marriage?
[00:49:28] Grandma Vee: Oh, I can't even imagine right now. I have to think about that for a while. Yeah. Next conversation.
[00:49:37] Terri: But how about you and dad? How about you and Dad? I mean, everybody's got, you know, you get two people together and you think you have a lot of similarities and you do, but then you find out you have some that you don't have.
[00:49:49] Yeah. But then you find ways to work with it and how to deal with it. I mean, Dad put a big star on your bathroom. You were like the star of his life. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. He would say Good morning. He would say, What would he say in the morning to you? Good morning, sunshine or something. Yeah.
[00:50:08] Lindsay: Oh,
[00:50:08] Terri: Have you seen the reindeer? Have you seen the reindeer? Oh yeah.
[00:50:12] Grandma Vee: Yeah. That's it.
[00:50:13] Lindsay: Yeah.
[00:50:14] Grandma Vee: Uhhuh, but it was nice. And so you just remember the good things and pull 'em out. Then you think about those instead of the bad,
[00:50:23] Lindsay: Right? Yeah.
[00:50:27] I've been thinking a lot lately about how people find ways to stay present, and I think that's really hard, especially these days, when it's like you're pulled in different directions.
[00:50:38] Yeah, there are phones. All of it kind of feeds into the other. It's very di it's difficult and it's, and it takes a lot to say, okay, no, here you're doing this, or whatever that decision point is. No, but I think that's one of the things that I take from time spent here is that this room to me symbolizes so much, 'cause.
[00:50:58] You know, everyone's family circumstances are different if they live around their family or if they travel to their family. And for us, we would come here on holiday, and I just remember feeling so calm and happy and peaceful, you know? And just, and so safe. I think it was like safe, but you, it was like everyone was together.
[00:51:18] But what are some of your favorite memories? What does this house mean to you?
[00:51:22] Grandma Vee: Uhhuh, and see everything meant a world to us. No matter what, because we worked so hard to get it, and that made a big difference. Uhhuh. Yeah. So you don't feel like you didn't, that you didn't do enough at your house.
[00:51:43] Lindsay: Is there something that you think people, younger people, should know that you could only know from your perspective? Yeah. What would you suggest that people do? To be happy. Well, you know what? I keep thinking
[00:51:59] Grandma Vee: When it makes me wanna cry, but when your two little ones come out here and they're smiling so happy, build on that.
[00:52:12] Build on that. Like anything that goes o, say, look how lucky you are. Look how lucky. Look what we can do together. And we couldn't do that before, and just stress the good points of life, 'cause I see how happy they are. Both of them.
[00:52:31] Terri: They have that pure happiness. They have that pure happiness. Yes. Yes.
[00:52:37] Grandma Vee: Uhhuh. Paul's like, What the hell have I gotten into? I'm so sorry.
[00:52:42] Think you cried enough.
[00:52:44] Lindsay: I know. Jesus, Grandma. Yeah. You know, I do notice, and I love that sometimes I take a moment because especially with both my kids, but Sby, my daughter, has this skip. So she just skips through life and it's, and I, when I see that, I'm like, oh, let's keep that as long as we can.
[00:53:00] Right? Oh Lord, this is not usable. 'Cause I have tears rolling down my face probably.
[00:53:06] Grandma Vee: But you're doing it the right way. Oh, thank you. Because you have them cuddled close to you. You do. And then when you need to talk to them, you have a good opportunity to talk to them.
[00:53:19] Lindsay: Yeah.
[00:53:20] They listen well. You can feel yourself when you're falling away from being able to be present. You know, like when you're busy. Yeah. You can tell, right? Like I think about, I never felt that from you, but when, like when I'm talking about the days mom, where you worked when we were growing up in high school and things, I knew you worked and you had a job that was very demanding, but you did a really good job of balancing it all.
[00:53:40] Like we always knew that we could, we always knew that, what it was gonna be like when we were at home, that it was gonna be good and it was gonna be safe and like have this great environment. But I know that's not easy. You realize now that it's not easy,
[00:53:53] You know? Because as long as you show them love, they know where it's coming from. That's the important thing.
[00:54:02] Okay. I'm almost done. I have one more question. What would you say is the toughest thing that you have overcome that you're proud of overcoming? I,
[00:54:22] Grandma Vee: Dad died. I'm, I never would've thought about that. That was tough.
[00:54:34] Terri: Yeah.
[00:54:37] Grandma Vee: But then, anyway, he left me with good memories. That's interesting that his me, I know that I didn't think he would say that, but I should have thought you would say that. But you, yeah. You've done so well with that. That I really, so well, Uhhuh Well, I tried hard.
[00:54:59] Terri: Yeah.
[00:55:00] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:55:00] Because he was well-liked.
[00:55:03] Terri: So it's coming on 10 years next week. Huh? 10 years next week?
[00:55:07] Grandma Vee: Yes. Uhhuh. Wow. Yeah. That time flies so fast. Oh.
[00:55:16] Lindsay: So what have you, like, what have you learned in those 10 years? Are there things that you've learned to stand on my own two feet
[00:55:25] Grandma Vee: And make it work. And that's all.
[00:55:28] Lindsay: How have you been able to do that?
[00:55:30] Grandma Vee: When you go to bed at night? You pray for the best?
[00:55:34] Lindsay: Yeah. I pray a rosary every night. Well, that works. I know you've always been faithful, but oh yeah. You've really leaned into that more. Yeah. Yes. Always.
[00:55:48] Grandma Vee: So, you know, you can console yourself a good bit. Yeah.
[00:55:57] But you really have, in the last 10 years, you've really accomplished a lot of stuff that you've moved beyond. I mean, I know that you miss him every single day, but you have made yourself.
[00:56:11] Terri: Enjoy what you're doing. Take advantage of really good things. Yeah, that's
[00:56:15] Grandma Vee: Right. Yeah. So everything's coming along pretty good, you know?
[00:56:20] It just takes a matter of time working it out.
[00:56:26] Lindsay: Do you have something, mom, that you think is like one of the toughest things that you've overcome or a lesson that you've learned, and whether it's like as a mom or just as a woman, or,
[00:56:38] Terri: I think my dad's death was probably one of them, but also, you worry about your kids all the time.
[00:56:44] Oh yeah. And even though you guys have both been done really well, you still worry because you want them to be happy. You want them to be as happy as they can possibly be. You don't care what they do. Like if you said, you what?
[00:57:00] Grandma Vee: That's the last thing you say when you go to bed at night.
[00:57:04] Terri: It is. It is
[00:57:04] Lindsay: What? Happiness of my children.
[00:57:07] Terri: I have this little prayer book that's about prayers for mothers.Yeah. And it's just like, yeah.
[00:57:12] Grandma Vee: Yeah. I'll start my rosary, and I'll think this is for them. Yeah.
[00:57:20] Terri: Okay. You want your children to be happy, then? Your grandchildren? Oh, if you bawl all night. Yeah. Grandma. No, more.
[00:57:30] Grandma Vee: Anyway, yeah, that's pretty much it.
[00:57:33] Terri: But it's ha, when you think about it, it's happy tears because they're all things that,
[00:57:37] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:57:38] Terri: They're really, some were sad, but you've been able to move on. Of course, you would never choose to move on without Dadd.
[00:57:45] Grandma Vee: Yeah.
[00:57:45] Terri: But you've been able to do that. And I feel like he's always out there.
[00:57:49] Grandma Vee: And I never thought I could have managed that.
[00:57:51] Terri: No. You know what, mMom I have to be honest, I didn't think so either. And I can't believe it. 'Cause you've just done so great. I was just thinking you're, because you grew up in such a man-dominant environment. Environment Time. Yeah. But you were able to pick up every single thing and do it.
[00:58:09] Grandma Vee: That's right.
[00:58:10] Lindsay: And I remember you saying to me that sometimes, you know, you just have to, it's how you approach a situation.
[00:58:16] Yeah. That makes it, yeah. You know, that helps the outcome of the situation. Whether it's balancing, you know, that's right. Parenthood, marriage, all of it. Dealing with my mom. I remember one time you told me, you said Lindsay, it's, what did you say? Sugar, not vinegar or something, or some analogy. Oh, it feels like me.
[00:58:40] Grandma Vee: Yeahh. You can get more with sugar than with vinegar. Yeah.
[00:58:44] Terri: And you've told me that about marriage. You've told me that about marriage. Yeah. So, and I know that's true, but sometimes that's hard.
[00:58:52] Lindsay: So at the end it's like you can, you control yourself and the power that you have over your mind, and to really, yeah.
[00:58:59] Think positive thoughts, but also help you through a circumstance. Yeah. It's very powerful.
[00:59:05] Terri: Yeah. You have, you've have a good, a lot of good advice. You've had a lot of good advice that I will keep looking for. Yes.
[00:59:13] Grandma Vee: One more session. One more session. Okay. 2.0.
[00:59:17] Lindsay: Okay. 2.0. Okay. Mom, grandma. Cheers. Happy 95th. Love you.
[00:59:29] Grandma Vee: Love you guys. Thank you so much.
[00:59:33] Lindsay: Oh, I love that conversation so much, and it's so strange now to look back now that my grandma's gone, but it's, oh my God, I'm just so grateful to have that, and I'm not gonna cry again. Maybe I am. Anyway, what I was gonna say is that I just, I know how true that is about keeping your kids close, and I am so grateful that my grandma shared that notion because even though it sounds like it's coming from a grandma who's gonna say that because she loves everybody, even having the conversation earlier in our season with Bridget Ker Morriss, who is the middle school, psychologist and relational expert, you know, that's what she said.
[01:00:12] She said, Keep them close. Don't be afraid of keeping them close. And I think at the end of the day, when it comes to family, children, loved ones, even people that you're annoyed at in your family. There's never gonna be anything bad about keeping 'em closed, pulling 'em back in, and I think there's really a lot to say for that, especially when we live in such a time of like so much potential distraction phones, whatever it is, you know, I think at the end of the day, all everyone needs is love.
[01:00:40] So anyway, I'm gonna go find some tissue. Thank you so much for listening and watching this episode. Yeah, my grandma Vee is such a special person, and so is my mom. So thanks, and I'll see you next time. Thanks so much for joining me. I can't wait to see you back here next week. Please don't forget, follow, and subscribe to things no one tells you.
[01:01:02] And of course, if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, don't forget to leave a five-star review because that's really what helps people get more. Listeners, we would love to grow this community. We are so grateful that you're a part of it. See you next time.
