When NFL Glory Meets Personal Grief with Alex Okafor: Ep 13
Highlights from the episode:
How an injury turned Alex’s first Super Bowl into a different kind of defining moment
Why grief doesn’t follow a playbook, and the grace Alex learned to give himself
What pro athletes don’t talk about enough: the personal toll of constant relocation and reinvention
Why Alex sees service and education as the most important “wins” of his post-NFL life
The ripple effect of one scholarship program, and how it’s reshaping futures
Podcast show notes:
When you think of a Super Bowl champion, you probably picture confetti, rings, and a perfect ending. But for Alex Okafor, the story was much more complicated.
There’s a part of Alex’s story that gave me chills. It happened during the national anthem at the Super Bowl. He wasn’t suited up—an injury had taken him out of the game. But in that moment, sitting with his family, Alex’s mom wrapped her arm around him and reminded him that he’d already helped his team get there. Months later, she was gone, taken suddenly by leukemia.
In this conversation, Alex talks about what it’s like to go from the highest high to the lowest low in the span of weeks. He opens up about the uncertainty of draft day, the grind of an NFL career, and the grief that nobody really prepares you for. And he shares how he’s taken that pain and turned it into purpose: mentoring kids, serving his community, and helping families impacted by blood cancer.
What You’ll Discover:
How Alex’s dream shifted from basketball to football (10:00)
The lessons in culture and swagger from the Chiefs’ Super Bowl run (26:43)
How an injury shifted Alex’s perspective and his seat in the stands (31:30)
The last gift of time Alex got with his mom (37:13)
Why nobody tells you what grief is really going to feel like (45:16)
How Alex is carrying his mom’s legacy forward through service (50:56)
This is a story about football, but it’s also about faith, family, and finding your footing after life changes in an instant.
Connect with Alex Okafor
Follow Alex on Instagram: @aokafor57
Learn more about Alex’s work with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society: https://bloodcancerunited.org/
To read Alex’s article that he shared in Player’s Tribune, click here.
Be sure to subscribe to Things No One Tells You—Lindsay’s podcast all about the real, unfiltered conversations we don’t always have but should. From big names to everyday voices, each episode dives into the moments that shape us. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!
Follow along with Lindsay below!
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Alex: Nobody tells you how to grieve. Nobody knows what grief looks like. And it looks different for every single person. One specific moment that really stands out to me that I always look back upon is during the national anthem of that game. I couldn't control my emotions. I started crying, crying because I was, you know, excited for my teammates, but mostly crying because.
[00:00:25] There was a sense of almost helplessness within me because I couldn't go out there and help my team, and my mom saw me crying during the national anthem, and she put her arm around me, hugged me. And, told me that Alex, they wouldn't be here without you. You helped get 'em here. Now let them go finish the mission.
[00:00:45] Just that moment was special because, knowing what happens after that game, knowing what happens the following year, was tough on me and my family. So I look back on that experience, and now I see why. I see why I was hurt early, because she did get taken away from me, a short period after the Super Bowl, and I did need that personal time with her and that powerful moment from her.
[00:01:11] Lindsay: Hey everybody, I'm Lindsay Czarniak, and this is. Things No One Tells You. This is a podcast about the behind-the-scenes moments that shape who we are, those things that are also really relatable and really connect us. So each week I'm gonna talk with Newsmakers trailblazers in the worlds of sports, entertainment, all things, but also everyday folks, people who are talking about the real stuff that no one intends to share.
[00:01:36] Follow me at Lindsay Czarniak and be sure to subscribe, rate, and review things no one tells you wherever you like to listen. Hey guys, welcome to another pre-football season episode of Things No One Tells You, or TNOTY, as we like to call it. As you know, I love football in our house. We also have a diehard Chiefs fan and my son, so I am really pumped to share that.
[00:01:59] My guest today is a former Kansas City Chief. So Alex Okafor is someone who has become a good friend. I'm gonna talk more about him in a moment, but. Before we get started, I wanna share a little levity. Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly. So ironically, Alex's story and one of the reasons that I'm so excited that he's gonna kind of share his journey with all of us today.
[00:02:32] Sort of revolves around time, and you'll understand why in a really powerful way. But before I get started, I'm sure a lot of you out there are dealing with the back-to-school timing, and I have just felt recently such a strong pool of embrace this time because man, everybody says it flies. We all know that's true, but it's just wild.
[00:02:54] I feel like summer came and went in the blink of an eye, and now. Our kids are off to two different schools for the first time in a few years because now we have a middle schooler, and I'm like, hold on, because we know it's gonna go so fast from here anyway, can you relate? Okay. Back to this episode today.
[00:03:12] I'm so excited because. Alex Okafor is someone whom I have heard about for years. I covered him, covering the NFL. He hopped to a few different teams, but ended up finally winning a Super Bowl with the Kansas City Chiefs. That happened in 2020. Alex and I first connected because. I have for years hosted the Leukemia, Lymphoma annual leukemia ball that they have in Washington, D.C. That's the area where I'm from, and my dad has lymphoma.
[00:03:42] So that has always been an organization, an event that is near and dear to my heart. And. I've co-hosted it sometimes; I do it on my own. And last year they said, Hey, we actually have an idea. We would love to bring in Alex Okafor, who has become a really key member of our board. And I was like, I know that name.
[00:04:00] That would be amazing. And Alex honestly had not done a lot of hosting or television or anything, but they said he has such a compelling story. I did not know his story until we started going through the run-throughs for our event, and they shared that it was super touching and that it is a big motivator behind the work that he does.
[00:04:19] And the reality is, Alex, shortly after winning the Super Bowl, was basically struck just by a gut punch because his mother was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia, and she ended up passing away just months later. So his story is just a complete mind-blowing situation of being at your highest high and then enduring your lowest low.
[00:04:46] And Alex was cool enough to agree to talk about it because I just thought, you know, for someone, first of all. His story in the NFL would be interesting and inspiring in itself. But to hear what he's gone through, what that was like, and how he is sort of using it as his platform now, the amount of good that Alex Okafor and his wife Kaylee are doing is just monumental.
[00:05:08] It's amazing, and I'm really excited to be called his friend. So, I hope that you learn something from this. I know I did. I hope you enjoy it. I would love to hear your thoughts. But, tenters, I give you Alex Okafor. I am so excited to welcome my friend, Alex Okafor, to Things No One Tells You. Alex, where are you?
[00:05:29] It's so great to see you. It's been a while.
[00:05:31] Alex: It has been a while. I am currently in Austin, Texas. This is home base for me. Whenever I finished my playing career back in 2022, I knew Austin was always gonna be where I would settle down. So my wife Kaylee moved out to Austin, and we've been out here for, I guess, three years now.
[00:05:50] Lindsay: Gosh, how did you know Austin was the place? You've been to so many different places.
[00:05:55] Alex: Yeah, so I grew up around this area, so I grew up in a little suburb just north of Austin called Pflugerville. So I've always been close to the Austin area. Went to school at the University of Texas. You could see it in the background helmets.
[00:06:08] So Austin has always been local in my home base, so I've always kind of trained out here, always stayed close to the area, and I knew this is where I ultimately wanted to settle down.
[00:06:19] Lindsay: I was sharing how we came to know each other through the leukemia ball. And there's so much I want, I can't wait for you to share and to learn more about your story.
[00:06:32] But in general, like, can you just give a sense of what you're doing now because you are so busy, and I know you do so many different things and so much of that work is just doing good for youth and other folks that you mentor. But can you just give a sense of all the different kinds of? Things that keep you busy.
[00:06:49] Alex: Yeah, so like I said, I retired from the NFL in 2022. I had played nine years, professionally, four years for the Arizona Cardinals. I was drafted in the 2013 NFL draft by the Cardinals. So played there, like I said, for four seasons. Went on to the New Orleans Saints and played there for two more seasons, and then finished off my career with the Kansas City Chiefs, the last three years of my career in which we won a Super Bowl back in 2020.
[00:07:17] I know the chiefs during the Super Bowl every single year, or at least it feels like it, but I was part of that team that got that first one, and we hadn't won one in 50 years before that first one. So to me it feels a bit more special, but I'm not gonna hang up on that. But in terms of what, in terms of what life looks like for me right now, I knew whenever I retired, I didn't necessarily know I wanted what I wanted to do business-wise, but I knew I had a lot of downtime on my hands.
[00:07:44] So, for me, I just wanted to dive back into my community and dive back into, you know, acts of service that mean something to me. And I lost my mom to blood cancer. So for me, giving back to the blood cancer space, creating opportunities for families that have been affected by blood cancer, and just that whole environment I wanted to have an impact on.
[00:08:04] And on top of that, I'm actually serving on my school board as well out here in Pflugerville, Texas. So that's what. That's what dominates my time right now until I figure out the next step.
[00:08:13] Lindsay: I was so excited to talk to you because, first of all, I just love in general the concept of things that people wouldn't know about the life of an NFL player.
[00:08:22] Like the, just the things that go on behind the scenes, but then also Alex, when we got to know each other, and when you. You know, when we started doing the event, and we were prepping to host the event with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, they had said to me, oh, this is, we think this is gonna be amazing because Alex does so much work for the organization, but he's got such a unique tie, you know, and I had known you as the Super Bowl winning defensive end with Kansas City Chiefs, right?
[00:08:46] And when we dove in and talked about your story, I was absolutely blown away to hear what you went through. But now also just what? You're doing on the other side. So I really am interested too in just hearing what your perspective and your takeaways of what you went through are. But I would love to hear, like how this all began for you, like as a kid, like when did football become the thing that you were chasing?
[00:09:14] Alex: Okay, so let's take it all the way back. So, surprisingly enough, basketball was my first sport. So I grew up with hoop dreams. I was a tall, lanky kid, didn't have broad shoulders, no meat on me, anything. I thought I was gonna be a hooper. So my whole childhood involved. Basketball, I was doing the au thing, traveling every other weekend across the country to compete, and I was a pretty good basketball player.
[00:09:39] But my first time playing actually organized football was in the seventh grade, and obviously, I played backyard football with my friends, and we'd play jackpot and stuff like that. But in terms of putting the pads on and playing organized football, that didn't happen until the seventh grade, and even from seventh grade, probably all the way to my sophomore year in high school.
[00:10:00] Football had always kind of been a secondary sport for me. Basketball was always the one that I was leaning into. Basketball was where I put my time and resources into. Football was just fun for me. It was just, it was fun. So I get to high school, get to my sophomore year, and I started getting more looks from college coaches and college programs in football.
[00:10:21] I did in basketball, and it made sense because I was super tall as a kid, and I am still super tall. But I tell people all the time the position I, the position I wanted to play, I actually wasn't tall enough, which is crazy 'cause I'm six five. But if you, I mean, if you see some of these basketball players, you know that they're 6'10, 6'11, 7 feet.
[00:10:41] So, surprisingly enough, I wasn't tall enough for my position, and that's kind of when I shifted my focus to football because I knew I had an opportunity to do something great there. And probably since my sophomore year in high school, it's been all gas in terms of. Dialing up what I wanted to do football-wise, looking at schools, putting the time into my training, stuff like that.
[00:11:04] So I'd say probably since my sophomore year.
[00:11:07] Lindsay: Okay. Wait, so, so this is a whole separate conversation that I wasn't intending to go down, but for moms that might talk about this thing often, a nd like, how, what are the best ways to steer your kids? What was your takeaway, or like the thing that didn', didn't people tell you about that experience?
[00:11:23] Like, what did you learn from it? Is it like, yeah, do everything you kind of did, lean into what you love 'causeit'st what is gonna happen happens, or you know, or is it more like, you learned this and this is what you advise?
[00:11:35] Alex: So, what I would say to answer that question, 'cause it's kind of a loaded question, but for me to simplify it for me personally.
[00:11:44] I wish, as a young kid, that I had learned how to dribble a lot better than I did. So when I played basketball and I had hoop dreams, I was a post player like I was, I played the same position as Shaq, Tim Duncan, Dwight Howard, these types of guys, they don't really dribble the basketball.
[00:12:01] So whenever I stopped growing at six five and wasn't tall enough to play that position. If I had learned how to dribble earlier in my career, now I could have been a point guard at six five. So, for me, selfishly, I wish I had learned how to dribble at a young age, no matter how tall I was. So parents, and if your kid is in basketball, no matter what position they play, no matter how tall, how short they are, teach 'em how to dribble.
[00:12:27] and then kind of transitioning from deciphering between two sports, kind of like you said, you highlighted it already. You'll naturally it'll naturally come to you. Like it. The sports will naturally start to divide as you get older. Whether you're getting more looks in one sport from colleges, or whether one sport is more fun for you, or whether this sport, you're seeing more success than that sport.
[00:12:50] As you get older, it'll just naturally start to separate itself out, and you'll figure it out naturally.
[00:12:56] Lindsay: This is gonna sound like a really Pollyanna question, but did people, like, were you surprised when. When football was the thing that they contacted you for? I know you said it wasn't surprising, but when that first contact happened, about like, Hey, you could do this with us in college, was that sort of intentional in any way on your, like, did you have to do something to get that feedback?
[00:13:18] Alex: Yeah. So for me it was, and I don't really keep up with the camp circuits nowadays in terms of football recruiting because that whole landscape has grown tremendously since I was in high school. But for me, they had specific Nike camps, like the pop-up Nike camps in the area were like a big deal.
[00:13:37] You knew all the coaches. All the recruits, the scouts were gonna be at these Nike camps, and they'd be regional. So you might have three or four camps in the Texas area, hitting a couple of regions, so I knew I needed to get an invite from that Nike camp in order to. Put myself on the scene, recruiting-wise.
[00:13:56] So what I did, and my dad, we got all of my game tape, put together a little highlight tape, and I'm talking about this thing. We made it on our computer at home, like it was old school. I'm talking about, it's not one of these professional highlight tapes you see on rivals nowadays, but we made a little home highlight tape, sent it out to Nike, and luckily for me, I was able to get that invite, and I performed well that day.
[00:14:21] And since that day, that's kind of when. Recruiting and stuff really started ramping up for me.
[00:14:28] Lindsay: Wow. Okay. So the rest is football history for you. You play at Texas, then you go, you know, you're drafted by the Arizona Cardinals, right? And you, hop, but you end up with the Chiefs, where you win the Super Bowl, right?
[00:14:41] What was it like when you first got to the NFL?
[00:14:46] Alex: Ooh. Okay. So let's go all the way back to 2013. I'm young, 22 years old, getting into the NFL. Well, first of all, whenever you sign your contract in, well, let's take it all the way back to draft day. So I tell people all the time that draft day is, it's a tough experience for a lot of people.
[00:15:07] Just because everybody thinks higher of themselves than what the world does. So everybody feels like they should go higher than wherever they're picked, including myself. So I thought I was gonna be a second-rounder. We get to the second round. My name wasn't called. We get to the third round. My name wasn't called in the fourth round.
[00:15:27] I'm kind of, I don't even, like this experience has turned from, I'm about to live out my dream, to now. I'm kind of in a funk, in a little bit of a depression because. I feel like these teams aren't realizing my worth. I'm seeing guys that I feel like I'm better than get drafted before me. So it's a tough experience, and I'm not the only one who feels like there are a lot of players in the draft who feel like this as well.
[00:15:49] So that part is tough. But I will say as soon as you get that call from the team that picks you. It's like all is right in the world. Like all that feeling of animosity, that feeling of anger, being overlooked. It dissipates as soon as you get that call, and then now you're like, okay, I have a home team.
[00:16:08] I can start to focus on this team that picked me up. How can I carve out a spot for myself? Stuff like that. So whenever I got drafted, I was ecstatic, reported to rookie mini camp, all that good stuff. I guess the biggest learning curve for me, NFL-wise Wise was in college. They kind of, all the resources you need in college, they're given to you.
[00:16:32] So, whether it's massages, whether it's muscle work, soft tissue work, recovery stuff, all of that stuff is given to you. It's given to you to a certain extent at the NFL level as well, but you have to kind of do your own work at the NFL level. Like they don't baby you anymore. You have to go out and get your own resources.
[00:16:51] And that was probably the biggest thing for me. Collecting all the context that I needed, making sure that I kept my body right, stayed on top of all my soft tissue work, basically making sure I'm investing in my career. And as a young player, that's what. I guess that's what they don't tell you.
[00:17:11] Lindsay: In my world, maybe that relates to going from elementary school to middle school. Like they say like, all 'cause we're prepping my son for that. It's That's the difference. They don't baby you anymore. You've gotta do the time management, the resources, you know what I mean? Like, I know that sounds weird, but it's, I get that a lot.
[00:17:30] That's fascinating. And really quick, back to the draft day. So when that happens, 'cause that's not, there's not a long swath of time between when you're feeling on top of the world and you're, like you said, starting to feel like, oh my gosh, this is not going the way I want it. How do you handle that?
[00:17:46] Who was around you, and were there people that were?. You know, talking, you sort of off the ledge, so to speak.
[00:17:54] Alex: Yeah. I had a good support group around me. So I had my parents, and I had my little brother. I had people who were close to me when I was growing up in the community. And we had my draft party at my actual home, which I grew up in.
[00:18:06] So I was very comfortable. I had a lot of love there, a lot of support there. My old college teammates were there to support me as well. My agent was there, so I had a lot of love and a lot of support in that room, and honestly. That kind of made it maybe a little bit tougher because all eyes are on you, and if you're just waiting, and everybody's just looking at you, it's.
[00:18:28] And then they're feeling bad for you. Yeah. It's like you start seeing people feel bad. I hate that emotion. Yeah. It is. Like, I just don't know how to break this tension. And then you get a call on your phone, and it ends up being a spam call, and you get your hopes all high. So it's, it was a, it was an interesting experience, but I, you know what?
[00:18:48] I wouldn't trade it for the world. It happened.
[00:18:49] Lindsay: There was a spam call.
[00:18:51] Alex: Yeah, it happens quite frequently. Like you'll get a telemarketer calling you and you think it's a team, and it's, yeah,
[00:19:01] When I, so it was a tough experience, but I wouldn't trade it for the world because it started my journey, and it led me to where I am today. And I, looking back on it, thinking about who was in that room with me, I'm still super close with all those people, and I just appreciate that time period.
[00:19:19] Lindsay: Yeah. That's so cool. And so then, so you're with the Cardinals. What happens next?
[00:19:24] Alex: So, get to the Cardinals, spend four years in the Arizona Cardinals. Got hurt, my rookie year, tore my biceps. So I was done for the season early in the, early in that rookie year for me. The Second year was my bounce-back year.
[00:19:42] led the team in sacks, had eight sacks that season. We go on to I wanna say the second round of the playoffs. So we have a really good year, third season, I have a decent year, and then in my fourth season, I get hurt again. So my career with the Cardinals was kind of up and do. But we had a lot of team success.
[00:20:04] That's when we had Carson Palmer, Bruce Arian, Larry Fitzgerald, Clays, Campbell Tyra, and Matthew, Patrick Peterson. So we had a really good team, and I enjoyed it. All of those NFC championship runs we had. But for me as a player, my career was kind of up and down, and I had to kind of figure out my career realistically by the end of my tenure with the Cardinals.
[00:20:28] I can't say that I was leaving that organization at the top of my career.
[00:20:34] Lindsay: Why?
[00:20:36] Alex: Just between the injuries, also, I had a little bit of off-the-field drama. I was drinking too much. Just being a young player, I was going out too much. I didn't have my personal life in order. So, just trying to balance my personal life, coupled with the injuries, just didn't spell out a ton of success for me after that second year.
[00:20:57] So after my tenure with the Cardinals, I needed a fresh start, and the Saints gave me that.
[00:21:02] Lindsay: And so is that something that, do you feel like a lot of people probably deal with that, that it's the off-the-field part two, because you're kind of navigating. The camaraderie may be of a team. Is that tough?
[00:21:16] Alex: It is. So as a young player coming into the league, everything that, you know, you're leaving behind all of your friends in college, your family from home, everything. You're going into a new environment in a state that you're probably not familiar with, and you have to make all new friends. You have to make all new, you have to connect with new contacts.
[00:21:37] and you have to lean on people, and I guess trying to. Deciphering and navigating through that situation can be tough, and sometimes you lose yourself doing that.
[00:21:46] Lindsay: I think sometimes people probably look at players on a team, and it's like, you guys, what people see, it's like the hard work and what you're doing on the field, but maybe it's not so clear that it is like probably similar to other people that are hopping into a new job.
[00:21:59] You know, like if I go to a new job, it's like I want everyone to think I'm working hard, you know? And because you are working hard, but you want to. Do well and do. And I think in football, there's probably an added level of like, everyone's so good at what they do that it's like so much competition, right?
[00:22:17] I mean, and maybe that's not unlike my industry too, 'cause there's a lot of competition. Especially when I got to ESPN, that's when I realized like, Oh, this is different. Like, you know, local sports were amazing and I loved it, but also for me. I was always like the only woman in the sports department, so it kind of felt like everyone had their roles, you know?
[00:22:39] and then you get to, when I got to ESPN, it was like, oh wow, like this is, like, people are rewarded on how they're doing their job, the perceived, how they're doing. And it's, it's a very interesting thing when I look back and I think about that time, 'cause sometimes I'm like. I wish I hadn't been as competitive as I was, and, wasn't negative competitive, but I was like, there was, I don't know.
[00:23:03] It's like it's gonna work out. I don't know why I just went on this deep thoughts train with myself.
[00:23:09] Alex: No, I, you know, I connect a lot to what you were just saying, just because, like you said, it is both industries highly competitive and. What separates the top person and essentially, let's call it the bottom person on the totem pole, is a very slim margin, like the top and the bottom are separated by such a small margin that you gotta find a way to separate yourself.
[00:23:32] And that does create competition. That does create a little bit of tension, but you still, at least for me, football-wise, you gotta be able to separate yourself by, while still building that team culture and team aspects. So. Kind of navigating through that can be tough.
[00:23:50] Lindsay: Yeah. And I think I found like having that, figuring out who your support system is around you.
[00:23:56] Who are the people that are gonna shoot you straight? And I, someone just said to me too, who was talking about how it's very important with anyone that is achieving a level of success, people around them that might work with them and have influence on them to shoot that person straight, but also not be afraid to be really real and just give feedback when feedback is needed.
[00:24:17] Because oftentimes. People who are in positions to continue to rise. Or when you're climbing the ladder, people are afraid to tell them what you know? Yeah. What they could do better. And so with the support system around you, obviously, family comes into that too, and I know that's big for you, and I would love to just.
[00:24:36] Get your, hear your story about what happened with your mom, and that's how you and I met in the first place, that connection through Kuil Lymphoma Society. But I know it, it began, you at the Kansas City Chiefs, and as you said, being a part of that winning Super Bowl team, the first team to win in decades, the Super Bowl.
[00:24:58] So let's start there. Like, what was that run like for you leading up to the Super Bowl as that team was realizing that? This was something special that could actually come to fruition.
[00:25:11] Alex: Yeah. So that season was crazy. So like I said, when I finished my tenure with the Cardinals, I moved on to the Saints.
[00:25:18] And the reason why I'm bringing it back to the Saints is because I was on that 2018 Saints NFC Championship team. I don't know if you're a member, but. We, the refs, made such a bad no-call. There's a pass interference call where one of my teammates got like drilled in the head, and the ref did not call it essentially, and it was so flagrant, and essentially, we lost the game because of that call.
[00:25:43] And that was the same year that the Chiefs lost in the AFC championship game. Where one of their players was lined up offside. So essentially, the Saints and the Chiefs were in the same position. They both lost in their respective championship games because of one call or one no-call. So, to bring this full circle, I signed with the Chiefs.
[00:26:05] and the mentality around the Chiefs was the same mentality around the Saints. Like, man, we're one play away from getting over that hump. So we knew how close we were, in Kansas City, to winning a championship, but ultimately we had to get it done, and we had to get over that hill.
[00:26:23] And when you haven't done it before, you don't necessarily know what winning a championship looks like. So that's what we were trying to build championship culture. So I remember that 2019 season, we started training camp with a theme. And our theme was called Championship Swagger.
[00:26:41] Lindsay: So, what it is basically swag.
[00:26:43] Everybody thinks swag is what you got on your feet, the clothes you're wearing, stuff like that. It's not that. It's how you carry yourself, right? And even though we weren't champions yet, we knew we had to carry ourselves like champions. So we had to put in the work like champions. We had to practice like champions.
[00:27:01] We had to study like champions, recover like champions, all that good stuff. So we had little wristbands made that said championship swagger during that training camp. And we used that theme, that mantra, to kind of carry us throughout the whole season. And it was ugly early on. We had one of the worst defenses in the NFL that season.
[00:27:20] but we kept building on it. We're like, okay. Last week was bad. Erase it. We're trying to be champions. We still gotta continue to carry ourselves like champions onto the next play, onto the next week. And ultimately, we were just able to compound and stack weeks. Whether it was a win or a loss, we knew one thing: we just had to get into the playoffs.
[00:27:37] And once we get into the playoffs, anything can happen. We just gotta start playing our best ball. And that's what we did defensively. We were able to pull together some of our best games in the playoffs and ultimately push to get that championship, that Super Bowl.
[00:27:53] Lindsay: When you said, that it was ugly, how do you do that as a defensive unit, getting back in the facility and going back to work when you've lost a game or you guys have such high expectations, high hopes, high desire for what the season's gonna be, but when you're starting off and it's like you're not necessarily getting the results where, how do you dig deep and do that?
[00:28:15] How do you execute that?
[00:28:16] Alex: Man, it's tough. It's because that's hard. It is, right? It's demoralizing. And what makes it even harder is when the other side of the ball is firing on all cylinders. So we obviously had Pat, we had Tyreek Hill, we had Travis, Sammy Watkins, and they're putting up 40 points a game.
[00:28:33] But at the same time, defensively, we're giving up 40 points as well, a game. It was tough for us. But to answer your question on how to pull it all together, you just gotta keep the ultimate goal in mind. We knew that a Super Bowl was what we wanted to achieve, and we knew that was the end goal, and we knew we didn't have to win a Super Bowl in week three.
[00:28:55] We didn't have to win a Super Bowl in week six. We didn't even have to win a Super Bowl in week 15. We had to win a Super Bowl whenever the time for that came. So as long as we were taking steps in the pos in positive direction and getting better week after week. We knew that everything we wanted to do was still achievable and still on the table.
[00:29:13] So that was kind of our mindset and how we balanced the poor play early on in the season.
[00:29:19] Lindsay: And how, during that time, what is the communication like with family? And actually, I mean, it doesn't even have to be that season, but in the case of that season, is it like, do you and your family, do you talk a lot about football, or are you guys kind of just.
[00:29:34] You know, they don't really bother you about that, and they, you know, are they at your games?
[00:29:39] Alex: Yeah. So it's, man, it's tough during the season because obviously, football is the most important thing we have going on during the season. So everybody wants to talk football, including family. But for me, my family, which is my wife and my dad and my little brother, and once ago, my mom, they really gave me that respect.
[00:30:01] You know, treating me as Alex Okafor, not Alex Okafor, the Kansas City chief. So they always made sure they checked up on me as the person, checked in on my mental health. Whenever I got home, my wife Kaylee would just, we just keep it family talk. What's going on in our lives currently, what's going on in her life currently, what's going on amongst our friends and stuff like that.
[00:30:21] You have to kind of separate and compartmentalize football a little bit because if you let it dominate your life 24/7you'll go crazy. So my family gave me that space in that respect.
[00:30:35] Lindsay: So, and Kaylee, at that point, that season was, you guys were not married yet?
[00:30:40] Alex: We weren't, no, we were just dating at the time.
[00:30:43] Lindsay: So, can you take me through, so you guys are in the conference championship game with an opportunity to go to the Super Bowl?. What was that like?
[00:30:56] Alex: So let me take it back for you a little bit, and this will all come full circle whenever I start talking about my mom. But so week, I wanna say it was either week 13 or week 14, we play the Denver Broncos.
[00:31:09] And I get a sack on the quarterback at the time, which I wanna say was Drew Lock, which, yeah, that was 2019. It was Drew Lock. We were playing in the snow. I get a sack on Drew Lock. He falls on my arm, and I wanna say like my shoulder separated, and I end up tearing my pec. So I was out the rest of the season.
[00:31:30] I was out on a season and an injury from week 13 on, so I had to cheer my team on from the sideline. I wasn't able to compete towards the end of the season. I wasn't able to compete in the playoffs or in that Super Bowl, and it really messed with me a lot. So moving forward in this conversation, everything I'll be speaking on will be from a sideline perspective.
[00:31:53] Lindsay: Yep. That's wild.
[00:31:58] Okay. So from that point on, you're on the sidelines, and you said that really ripped you up. Why? What was that like?
[00:32:05] Alex: It was so tough because. I mean, whenever you play sports to win championships. Even as a young kid, and I mean as a kid growing up, a Super Bowl's the ultimate like dream as a kid, and I had put the work into my career to be a starter for the Chiefs to be a starter for that defense.
[00:32:25] I had gone through the tough times of training camp. I had gone through the ugly games that we played defensively early in the season, and at that point, when I got hurt, we were just starting to catch our groove. We were still, we were just starting to fire on all cylinders, and ultimately it got cut short, rt and I did not get the opportunity.
[00:32:43] And that really messed with me 'cause I felt like I deserved the opportunity to be able to compete in the playoffs and the Super Bowl, and it just wasn't my time.
[00:32:53] Lindsay: Who do you counsel with when during those? Times like what, you know, how do you get in the best headspace you can be in?
[00:33:02] 'Cause I know obviously you want your team to win, and you're, it's great to be there for support, but that must be really difficult.
[00:33:09] Alex: Yeah. So I leaned on the team chaplain, the team pastor, ais name was Marcellus. And I started working with him around that time, around when I got hurt, and really dove into my faith.
[00:33:22] He helped me grow my faith, and we created a strong bond, a strong relationship. And ultimately, Marcellus ended up being the chaplain at our wedding. That's how close we got. So that's, he was the guy that I leaned on whenever I did get hurt and kind of had to vent and really, strengthen my faith some, and he helped me with that.
[00:33:46] Lindsay: Wow, so February 2nd, 2020.
[00:33:50] Alex: Yep.
[00:33:50] Lindsay: The Chiefs play the San Francisco 49ers.
[00:33:53] and walk me through winning the Super Bowl and where you were at that moment.
[00:34:00] Alex: Yeah. So Super Bowl week comes, I want to say the team, the Super Bowl was in Miami, so the team. We were out there for a week, so I got out there with the team as well.
[00:34:14] I'm out there for a week, but granted, I'm not practicing. I'm out there rehabbing. But the good thing is that my family comes down there as well, and I'm not tied up with that strict, like demanding football schedule 'cause I'm not essentially playing. For me, it was more, it was more so of getting my rehab in, going to practice, and once practice wraps up, I can go, kind of go along with my business and my day.
[00:34:39] I invite my family down there, which is obviously my now wife, Kaylee. Also, my mom, my dad, my little brother, and Kaylee's cousin all came down to Miami that week, just for the Super Bowl week. So I got to just do, I got to hang around the city with friends, family, really get to spend some time. Sometimes, catching up with my family and making up for lost time, because you don't get to see your family much during the season.
[00:35:04] So I did get to capitalize on that moment and really spend some much-needed time with my family before the game. Then once the game comes, I'm also able to sit with my family during the game. I'm in the stands with my family. I got us all tickets, so we're watching the game from the stands. Oh, wow. And we all get to.
[00:35:24] Share the highs and lows of that football game, which was, it was an incredible game. We were down by 10 points, I wanna say, early in the fourth quarter. So it was a very energetic and emotional game for me and my family. And ultimately, when we were able to compete that to, when we were able to complete that comeback in the fourth quarter and beat the 49ers, man, it was a special moment.
[00:35:46] There was nothing like it. Getting to hug Kaylee, getting to hug my mom. High-fiving my pops. Sharing that moment with my little brother. It was obvious; it's one thing to celebrate with your teammates on the field. But it's another thing to be able to celebrate on the field with your family and your teammates.
[00:36:09] So I was able to get to hug my mom, kiss my wife, Kaylee. High five, my dad, but then after that, I got to run down to the field and celebrate with all my teammates as well. So even though it was heartbreaking that I couldn't play in that game, the fact that we won in the celebration made up for it completely.
[00:36:29] Lindsay: In that week.
[00:36:30] Like you said, that kind of gave me chills understanding what happens to you next, because I was just thinking about the fact that you had that extra time and weren't as tied up as an active player for that Super Bowl game would be. What was that like? Like, were there moments, I guess, that you remember that you think about, that you spent specifically with your mom, whether it was during that week leading up to or during the game?
[00:36:52] Like, you know, things that maybe you look back on and just take as moments or conversations that mean something to you?
[00:37:02] Alex: Yeah. One specific moment that really stands out to me that I always look back upon is the night, during the national anthem of that game. I couldn't control my emotions.
[00:37:13] I started crying, crying because I was, you know, excited for my teammates, but mostly crying because there was a sense of almost helplessness within me because I couldn't go out there and help my team. So that was a whole lot of emotions going through me during the national anthem.
[00:37:33] And my mom saw me crying during the national anthem, and she put her arm around me, hugged me. And told me that, Alex, they wouldn't be here without you. You helped get 'em here. Now let them go finish the mission. And whenever she told me that and consoled me, I was still crying. But just that moment was special because, knowing what happens after that game, knowing what happens the following year, was tough on me and my family.
[00:38:01] So I just look back at the time. The isolated time that I did get to spend with my family at the game, specifically my mother, and sharing emotional moments like that. I look back on that experience, nd now I see why. I see why I was hurt early, because she did get taken away from me, a short period after the Super Bowl, and I did need that personal time with her and that powerful moment from her.
[00:38:31] Lindsay: What was your mom like? Like, how do you describe? The woman that she was.
[00:38:37] Alex: So man, my mom was loving. And that's where I get my servitude personality from is her. She was a probation officer when I was young. Then she transitioned and started working for a nonprofit as I got older. So I learned how to serve from him, and she just had a big heart.
[00:38:55] She wanted to help everybody. Now she was tough on me. I think that's the reason why I am who I am today, because she was such a tough parent to me. But she loved me so much, and she always did what was best for me. But the one main quality of my mom, she just had such a big heart and wanted to help everybody.
[00:39:16] Lindsay: So, you go through winning the Super Bowl?
[00:39:20] And then what happens?
[00:39:22] Alex: So, win the Super Bowl, like I said, celebrated with family in the stands, ran down to the field, and celebrated with teammates and coaches. Then the next week or two. Nonstop celebration. We go to the parade in Kansas City, and in this amazing moment, and then after that two-week period, everything starts to settle down a little bit.
[00:39:43] Everybody cleans out their lockers. You transition into the off-season, everybody goes back to their respective residences, which mine at the time, like I said, was in Austin. So went back home to Austin, but around that time, if everybody remembers, that's when COVID happened. This was 2020, this was early in 2020.
[00:40:02] So, COVID happens, the world stops for a short second, and my mom gets really sick around the time that the COVID outbreak happens. So, my family and I're just thinking it's COVID this whole time. So at this point, we've given, we've had her take about four or five COVID tests, and they keep continually coming back negative.
[00:40:24] So we know there was a deeper underlying issue. So, eventually, we take her to the doctor. They run some tests on him, and then send her home that day. We didn't think anything of it. We'll wait for the doctor's call tomorrow for the results or whatever, but the doctor called us that night that evening and said that her white blood cell count was through the roof, and most likely that means that she has some type of cancer and you need to get her here to the hospital immediately so we can start her on some rounds of chemo.
[00:40:54] So that was obviously terrifying for me and my family. We've never gone through it, and we haven't been affected by blood cancer at this point. My auntie passed away from breast cancer, which was traumatic, but we didn't have anybody who had a blood cancer tie. So this was all new for us, and we were terrified.
[00:41:15] But my mom was strong. She was calming everybody down. Like, Hey, trust me, I'm gonna get through this. So we take her to the hospital, and since it is COVID, we're not allowed to go into the hospital with her. We have to drop her off at the front door and essentially. She has to do everything by herself without family around her.
[00:41:37] Now she's a warrior, she's a soldier, so she was calling us every single day, giving us updates, and we could hear it in her voice that she was tired, so the calls wouldn't be long. But she was fighting, and that's what we are really, that's what we really appreciated about her. And we were ready for her to come home and beat this thing.
[00:41:57] And around the ahree-week mark, whenever she was wrapping up that first round of chemo, she was supposed to come home the next day. So we get a call from the doctor, and thinking the call was gonna say, okay, you guys can come pick up your mom, she can come home with you, until the next round of chemo.
[00:42:16] That was not the case. The doctor, it was honestly the opposite nose. The doctor called and said she had caught an infection, and she was in the emergency room, so we had to meet her down there. So I basically went from winning the Super Bowl to a month later, having to drop my mom off at the hospital.
[00:42:37] Three weeks later, after that, going back to the hospital, the emergency room, and seeing her connected to a ventilator, and just how quickly all that unfolded. Essentially, within two months, I went from celebrating a Super Bowl championship with my mom to losing her. She passed away. She couldn't make it.
[00:43:00] Lindsay: So from the infection.
[00:43:02] Alex: Yeah, from the infection, and I mean, that happens often with the cancer patients. The chemo wears down your immune system, and you're more susceptible to infection, and that's what happened. So, yeah, that's what I don't even know where to follow up from there, but that was. That was the experience of winning the Super Bowl, the high of all highs, two months later.
[00:43:26] losing your mom and realizing the reason you didn't play at the Super Bowl was because the Lord was trying to make up for borrowed time by giving you a little extra emotional moments with my mother, and I appreciated that.
[00:43:43] Lindsay: Did you have an option? Did they give you an option to be on the field, you know, with your teammates, or be with your family?
[00:43:48] How did that decision come to be for you?
[00:43:52] Alex: Well, for me, just what encompassed that week, my family coming out there that week, getting to hang out with my family and the team at the same time, it just felt right to be in the stands with my family. Yeah. Watching the game. Like it, just felt right.
[00:44:08] That's where I wanted to be. I love that. And, looking back on the situation like it felt like the right decision, and yeah,
[00:44:17] Lindsay: And it was probably, it probably felt easy. To you. Where, like, it was just that, was what it should. Right. I, so you said about following up, you wrote an article, and you've written a couple. Right.
[00:44:28] For the Player's Tribune, but writing about the experience and I, there was something where you said, I actually spent a lot of time after her death trying not to think about her. 'cause all it did was make me cry. And I was, you know, I was just thinking about for people out there that go through, everyone goes through grief in different ways, you know, and experiences it through different people.
[00:44:49] I was just thinking, I bet there are a lot of people that can really relate to what you said there, and if there are things that you learned through that experience about loss, you know, or something that you didn't expect.
[00:45:02] Alex: Yeah. The thing about loss is you don't know when it's gonna hit, and you don't know when it's gonna be your last final moments with that person or what the road looks like up leading.
[00:45:16] To your last final moments with that person. Also, kind of shedding light on that quote that you said, that every time I thought about her, it made me cry. It was tough for me because I did want to remember the special times we had, I wanted to. Remember her name. Look back at all the memories we had growing up, but I couldn't do it at the time.
[00:45:37], I couldn't allow myself to look back at those memories because they were too emotional. Like, I would just break down and cry on the spot every time I would think about her. So it almost got to the point where. I was blocking out memories of my mom, and that didn't feel right either. So it's just grief or grieving; the process of grieving is just a weird space.
[00:46:01] It's a weird place to be in. You don't know what's right. You don't know what's wrong. Ultimately, you are just trying to make it day by day without breaking down and crying. And that's what grief looked like for me the first year. Honestly, the first two years, that's what it looked like for me.
[00:46:18] Lindsay: Wow. And you went back and you played that following year, too?
[00:46:22] Alex: Yeah, so I went back to the Chiefs, played that following year, and I told myself that next season, like everything that I d,o is just gonna be outta gratitude. I just lost my world. I lost my mother. So ultimately, nothing else matters.
[00:46:37] Like everything that I'm doing right now, I'm blessed to be doing this. Like I'm walking this earth. I'm healthy. My mom is looking down on me. She's my angel. I have nothing to be upset about. I have nothing to frown upon. Let me go into this season. With full gratitude, just being grateful for everything that I've been given and whatever happens, and luckily enough, I dealt with some injuries, but luckily enough, I was able to play enough games, and I was able to compete in that Super Bowl against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And even though we didn't win, it was still a full-circle moment for me to be able to play in that game, knowing that my mom was watching, and that was special for me.
[00:47:20] Lindsay: Was there a moment that you really, that well, a. Eventually, when it, when you just, and you don't, obviously the grief doesn't go away, but that you did take a step forward, at least with the grief. Was there a moment you remember with that, or maybe a moment where you really felt your mom's presence that meant something to you?
[00:47:36] Alex: Yeah. I think so. My mom passed away in 2020. I'm involved with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I've been working with them since, I wanna say 2021, but. I joined the National Board of Directors of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society a little over a year ago. I wanna say that moment, of joining the board, was kind of like my, I want to say, I wanna say it was the end of my grieving, that to me, that marked the end of my feeling sorry for myself.
[00:48:13] Like I finally felt like I had. Done enough to honor my mom's legacy, and my joining the national board was basically that stamp of, Hey son, you're doing an incredible job of carrying it on my legacy, carrying it on my name. Keep doing what you're doing, and you know, I'm here watching you. So to me, that was me joining the boars.
[00:48:39] Just a very emotional moment, and it marked the moment where, for me, I can continue life without my mother on this earth.
[00:48:49] Lindsay: I don't know that story. Did they call and ask you to be a part of it? How did that happen?
[00:48:53] Alex: Yeah. So whenever I did lose my mom in 2020, a staff member from the Dallas chapter.
[00:49:00] From the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, her name was Leah Swanson. She reached out to me because I did write an article, kind of tying my mom's death to the current times and stuff like that. So she saw that article. Reached out to me and was like, Hey, I read your article. I work for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society.
[00:49:18] I think we can do some amazing work together. Anything that you're willing to contribute, we're here and we can do this together. So, slowly but surely, I started ramping up my involvement with LLS first. I might've started with just sending a video to a patient who was recovering from Blood cancer.
[00:49:37] Then we were doing maybe like local activations that I was appearing at. And then it got to the point where I started raising money to launch a scholarship program for LLS. And then once I did that, I was just full-blown in doing whatever I could to continue the mission, and the organization recognized my work and saw my value and wanted me to jump on the board.
[00:50:01] So that was kind of my journey leading up to. My board work
[00:50:07] Lindsay: Well, and the scholarship of work that you do is incredible. You, give how many scholarships to those kids can go to college? Kids who are dealing with blood cancer.
[00:50:19] Alex: Yeah. So we, man, when, so when I talked, so when I first started with LLS, like I said, they were like, any way or any form of capacity that you want to contribute, we're here for you.
[00:50:32] And whatever that looks like, we can make it work. So I told them some of my interests, and one of my interests is education. I always loved giving back to my school district within my community. So I told 'em education was huge for me. They told me about a program that they were trying to launch, which was the Survivor Scholarship Program, where blood cancer survivors can apply and get a $7,500 scholarship to attend college.
[00:50:56] When I heard about this program, I was like, This is amazing. Like, I wanna do whatever I can to help get this off the ground. They expressed to me that they hadn't raised any money or anything like that, and they needed, they basically needed a catalyst to get this thing moving. I reach out to my personal network, raise as much money as I can.
[00:51:14] I get the chiefs involved. They donate a little bit as well, and I'm able to contribute that first seed donation, which essentially was a little over a hundred k, and being able to attach that donation and tie my name to it, tie the chiefs' names to it. All that type of stuff was able to allow them to raise more money and get this program off the ground.
[00:51:35] And now every single year we're giving out over a hundred scholarships and renewing the scholarships that we gave out in the past. So it's a, it's an amazing program, and I'm blessed to be a part of it.
[00:51:48] Lindsay: I love it. And also such a tie too to your mom, because didn't, part of what you wrote about was her sharing right before she died.
[00:51:55] Correct. That she wanted you to continue the service. Is that right?
[00:52:00] Alex: Well, she, like she, growing up, she had such a huge heart, and she served in so many pockets and so many, in so many ways. She served, so she didn't necessarily, when she was passing, she didn't necessarily say directly that she wanted me to continue her service.
[00:52:19] It was just unspoken words, like just being around her. You knew that if you wanted to continue her legacy, if you wanted to represent her the right way, then you needed to find a way to serve and benefit others. And that's what I did.
[00:52:35] Lindsay: That's awesome. You have been so generous with your time. Thank you so much.
[00:52:39] Alex. Is there anything that you wanna share before you go, or, you know, is there one big picture thing no one tells you that you've experienced that you think would be valuable for people watching or listening to this episode?
[00:52:54] Alex: Yeah, I would just say that nobody tells you how to grieve. Nobody knows what grief looks like.
[00:53:02] and it looks different for every single person, and I really. I was beating myself up early in the grieving process because I was blocking out memories of her. I was intentionally not trying to think of her, and I really felt bad doing that. But tying into the theme of this podcast, nobody tells you how to grieve nobody.
[00:53:21] There's no book or roadmap for what grieving looks like. So I say, give yourself some grace. Do whatever you gotta do to make sure that you're mentally stable and that you can continue life. And the grieving process will work itself out. So just be patient with yourself.
[00:53:38] Lindsay: That's awesome. I'm so glad I got to know you.
[00:53:41] And that we have a lot of work ahead to do together.
[00:53:45] Alex: Yeah. I appreciate you giving me this platform today. This was an awesome conversation.
[00:53:50] Lindsay: Thank you for sharing. I actually, after this conversation, and I just, again, wanna thank Alex so much. By the way, his wife, Kayle, is amazing, and so at some point, I want to have her come on and just share what her journey has been as well.
[00:54:05] But Alex, I had to process. Really, that's about how he said that he had the choice to sit in the stands with his family and watch that Super Bowl while he was injured. Because at first, when he told me, I was like, That's rare. You know, you typically would see players on the field. But I think as he said, it's like, of course it's not a coincidence, and gosh, how powerful the fact that he was able to be there with his family and.
[00:54:29] Celebrate and enjoy that, especially with his mom, having no idea what was about to happen. Also, a side note, I love any opportunity to ask any professional athletes just about looking back, you know, what they would do in terms of what they suggest for families, for kids, and sports that they play.
[00:54:49] Because I also think that is just such an interesting conversation in itself about, you know, how do we push our kids, what is like the healthiest way to get them involved in things, but also. When should your child play tackle football? What did they say? What is, anyway, a whole different conversation, but I really appreciated Alex's story about starting in basketball and what he thinks about the importance of when to start, football, if that's what your child is into.
[00:55:14] Anyway, thanks so much for listening. Again, hey, football season. Don't forget. It is coming up. We haven't done our fantasy football draft yet. I mean, we always push it to the very end, but literally, it's gonna happen two nights before the season opens. The Kansas City Chiefs, by the way, start their season with the Chargers Friday night, 8:00 PM. Get your popcorn ready.
[00:55:34] I know I'll be there on the couch with my son, who I'm sure will be decked out in a chief skier. But anyway, thank you so much for joining. Let me know what you think. Let me know what. Topics you would love to hear covered. And as always, we appreciate you being here on things no one tells you. See you next time.
[00:55:51] Thanks so much for joining me. I can't wait to see you back here next week. Please don't forget, follow and subscribe to Things No One Tells You. And of course, if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, don't forget to leave a five-star review because that's really what helps people get more. Listeners, we would love to grow this community.
[00:56:06] We are so grateful that you're a part of it. See you next time.
