What Really Matters in Youth Sports with Jeff Francoeur: Ep 35
Highlights from the episode:
Why middle school is a turning point
How separating “coach” and “dad” changed everything
Why elite athletes are rare, and why that matters
How team culture can outweigh raw talent
Why letting kids play with their friends still matters
Podcast show notes:
I’ve been around sports my entire life. I’ve covered some of the biggest games on the biggest stages. But there’s something uniquely intense, and uniquely tender, about youth sports. Because when it’s your child out there, everything feels different.
Jeff Francoeur knows that shift firsthand. Jeff has seen the game from every angle: 12 years in the majors, a World Series appearance, and now a career in broadcasting. But the most revealing perspective? Watching his own daughter look toward him after a strikeout.
In this episode, Jeff opens up about youth sports culture, early burnout, and the mental side of athletics we don’t talk about enough. He shares the moment his daughter told him he crushed her confidence, and how that changed everything about the way he coaches. Jeff also shares about how these experiences led to Pure Athlete and a passion for helping others focus on what matters in youth sports.
We talk about travel teams, unrealistic expectations, the pressure parents feel, and why middle school is a pivotal turning point. Most of all, we talk about letting kids develop a love for the game before layering on performance.
What You’ll Discover:
Watching your own kid step to the plate (07:54)
What kids actually want from sports (11:16)
The three stages of youth sports development (13:28)
Why passion has to come first (27:07)
The “hat off” rule for the car ride home (29:02)
Jeff’s thoughts on specializing in youth sports (47:38)
At its core, this episode isn’t just about baseball or youth sports. It’s about protecting joy. It’s about perspective. It’s about remembering that the goal isn’t just raising strong athletes; it’s raising confident, resilient humans.
If this episode makes you rethink your next sideline moment, share it with a fellow parent. And if you’re loving these honest conversations, subscribe, rate, and review Things No One Tells You.
mentioned in the episode
“Staying Grounded in the NFL Spotlight with Colts QB Daniel Jones” https://www.lindsaycz.com/show-notes/daniel-jones-23
“Winning the Indy 500 with Álex Palou” https://www.lindsaycz.com/show-notes/alex-palou-03
Connect with Jeff Francoeur and Pure Athlete
Follow Pure Athlete on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pureathleteinc/
Follow Pure Athlete on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@pureathleteinc
Subscribe to their show on Apple Podcast and Spotify
Check their website: PureAthlete.com
Follow Jeff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jefffrancoeur/
Be sure to subscribe to Things No One Tells You—Lindsay’s podcast all about the real, unfiltered conversations we don’t always have but should. From big names to everyday voices, each episode dives into the moments that shape us. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!
Follow along with Lindsay below!
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Jeff: I think the thing no one tells you, right, is that like kids just, they wanna have fun, they wanna be a part of the team. And I think one thing coaches don't do a great job of is making every kid feel valued. These kids are smart. They know who's the best, they know who's the most talented. They see it. And not every kid's gonna have that ability.
[00:00:21] But how can coaches, how can parents make their kid feel valued? Where I might not be the home run hitter on the team, right? In the NBA, I might not score 35 points, but I can be the best defensive player in the league and make millions of dollars. I can shut down someone. So I think that they, no one tells you kids, want to feel valued.
[00:00:39] They all do not want to be the best. They want to know they're on a team and feel valued.
[00:00:43] Lindsay: I have been waiting a long time to have this conversation on things no one tells you about youth sports. And when I had the chance to do it with. A star like Jeff Francoeur. I was like, this is amazing. Okay, so you guys, I can't wait to share this conversation and the things that came out of this from Jeff's perspective, 'cause it really helped me.
[00:01:04] And I'm thinking that it might be really insightful for you, but welcome to this episode of Things No One Tells You. I wanna set the table on why I'min a hotel, and it's because we're still in the midst of the Winter Olympics, which is so amazing. It's such an awesome experience. I feel like I might do an episode just about this, shortly, but the thing I wanted to share is that yesterday we ran this story about athletes from countries that are underrepresented in the Winter Olympics.
[00:01:33] So countriesThat are places that, you know, they, the athletes come, maybe they've got one athlete, but they don't have, they're not known for prowess or participation in the Winter Olympics. And what was so awesome about it was that the whole thing was built on Yes. When they win medals, it's surprising and really special, but just being there is the thing.
[00:01:53] And like, just really leaning into the Olympic spirit of respect, excellence, friendship, all these things. And I was like, you know, it made me cry. Because every Olympic story does, but also as it plays into this conversation that you guys are about to hear, I was like, this is really what it's all about.
[00:02:12] And please, let's not lose sight of the fact that when we're talking about youth sports and navigating kids, even if they've got monster talent that you can see, that's exciting at the core of it. It's about the journey, right? And it's about getting there and honing in on that excellence in a way that also helps these kids feel like they are being seen and that they're able to have fun at what they're doing.
[00:02:36] So, okay. Jeff Francoeur has a branded content platform that is called Pure Athlete. And it's amazing because he and his co-hosts, they basically are on a mission to talk about, and they talk to experts. They talk about things amongst themselves. They're really trying to open the conversation about youth sports in a way that also can get parents involved to really make that journey the most enjoyable.
[00:03:02] You know, also the most helpful, but they do it through their podcast, which is amazing, and using just their platform in general, which is super, super cool. Jeff. is a major League baseball superstar. Played for several teams, notably the Atlanta Braves. Heis now a broadcaster for T-B-S-M-L-B broadcast.
[00:03:22] And it's funny because Melvin and I ran follow him at a hotel swimming pool. This is a couple of years ago, a few years ago, when the Braves were playing the Marlins. And so the whole like team was there at the hotel, and I hadn't seen him in a while, since when I really covered him at ESPN and other places.
[00:03:40] And it was so great to talk to him. He was about to get started in this broadcast journey. And anyway, we connected there. So he, when we had the chance to, did this conversation; he really came to the table with all of these just incredible thoughts. And he gets really honest about now the fact that he's a dad and a coach, for his own kids, nd about what's most important.
[00:04:02] And hearing the perspective from a world-class athlete who has been through. Every situation, you know, on his journey, but also in the majors. And he tells this story about getting sent back down. You guys, that is hilarious, but also so impactful and so powerful. I can't wait for you guys all to hear it.
[00:04:21] So Major League Baseball superstar, Jeff Ur talking about youth sports. Jeff, it is so good to talk to you. I'm so excited to cover a lot of different things, but first of all, it is wonderful that the last time I saw you was a few years ago and we were, and you were with the Atlanta Braves traveling, right?
[00:04:39] Following the news.
[00:04:39] Jeff: I was, yes.
[00:04:40] Lindsay: We were in Miami. I was there, we were, we ended up at the same hotel, and I was with my family, I think. But yeah. How's life been since?
[00:04:48] Jeff: Man, it was great. So I was actually, I think that was like when I just got into announcing Yes. And so my wife and I think I had three, I think she was pregnant, maybe with a fourth at that time, but I had to go to the field like four, and she's like, do not leave me by myself.
[00:05:02] But, it's great. We got four kids now. 12, 10, 7, and five. So we're rocking and rolling.
[00:05:11] Lindsay: You're in it.
[00:05:12] Jeff: Yes,
[00:05:12] Lindsay: You're in it. So, what is your daily schedule like? How do you? What is your schedule these days?
[00:05:19] Jeff: Well, I'll tell you honestly, from when the championship series ends in October until the end of March.
[00:05:25] Like, I'm home all the time, which is great. Like we do family dinners every night. We're, you know, doing stuff with the kids. And then I just actually Reed, re-upped for three years with TBS to take me through the end of 28. Thank you. So I'll start doing the Tuesday night. Games of the week, but it just works great with my schedule.
[00:05:42] 'cause I fly out late Monday night, do the game Tuesday with Brian Anderson and Ron Darling. And then we're home Wednesday morning, and I'm home the whole week. So it's been a really good change.
[00:05:52] Lindsay: I remember when I saw you, yeah. You were getting ready for itan d I feel like. I know that you're confident, but it was, you kind of didn't know how it was gonna be.
[00:06:00] Jeff: Oh, no. Yeah.
[00:06:03] Lindsay: What did you expect?
[00:06:05] Jeff: I go back and listen to the first broadcast I ever did, and I thought, how did they not fire me right on the spot? Like, I didn't shut up. I was yapping the whole time, but I think it's so cool, right? We talk about people's insecurities at any age. I don't know if you read the last few days, like Kevin Burkhart's, a dear friend of mine, he was with s and y when I did, when I played for The Mets for those two years, and like seeing Brady and how far he's come in doing it, and Burkhart talking about how insecure, like, you know, as well as I do.
[00:06:33] Tom Brady got under center. He was never insecure. Yes. He got behind that microphone, and I remember Kevin Burkhart telling me he was like, white as a ghost. He was so nervous. And so that's the thing. But it takes reps, and it's really been a great second career for me, and I've really enjoyed it.
[00:06:48] Lindsay: Yeah. What kind of perspective has it given you on the game?
[00:06:52] How's that been?
[00:06:53] Jeff: How hard is it really? Like really, I mean, oh, absolutely. We went down to the All-Star game, you know, it was in Atlanta last year, the Derby and All-Star game. So I took my kids, and we sat right down by like the owner's box, and I remember sitting there watching Paul scheme throw a hundred, and I turned to my wife, and I'm like, how did I ever hit that?
[00:07:10] Like, I'm like, how did that? But it makes you appreciate the players and how good they are because the game of baseball, I mean, you've been around it, is so tough, and you fail constantly.
[00:07:21] Lindsay: I mean, and that's wild. And when you fail, do you feel like failing in baseball might feel harder than failing in other sports because of how sometimes it does feel like a solo thing?
[00:07:34] Jeff: Yeah, exactly. They say, you know, baseball is a team sport, but ultimately, you were there to hit. It's you versus the pitcher. There's nothing your teammate can do to help you outwith all this stuff. So yeah, I mean, it is so that if anything, it's taught me to appreciate the talent that these players have.
[00:07:51] Lindsay: Realize like what a badass you are. Is that like that?
[00:07:54] Jeff: I was able to do it back in the day, and it's funny now 'cause my daughter's 12, you know, and she's a really good softball player. But I'm like, will you freak, will you freaking listen to me? Like, I know what I'm talking about. We're paying for her to get hitting lessons from someone else.
[00:08:08] And I remember my wife going, don't you know? And I'm like, she doesn't listen to me. Like, what do you want me to do? That's hilarious. But, now she's old enough, right? That she starts to understand what dad did, you know, see the video. And she's like, all right, I'll listen.
[00:08:22] Lindsay: That's so cool. You know what? It's funny.
[00:08:24] So my son, basketball is his favorite thing right now. But he played baseball for the first time last season, and I was so proud of him. 'cause he, you know, he did not, yeah, it's like his first time doing it. My son's 11, but honestly, Jeff, I wanted to vomit every time he went to the plate. And I've covered baseball for years, and I was like, how does no one tell you this about baseball when you have a vested interest?
[00:08:50] Like now? It gave me a different perspective on how the wives must feel, how like, and I, 'cause I was just like, you know, my mom heart's like, ah, A, you don't want him to get hit, but b I'm like, you know, you, you strike out and you're just like, oh God, is he okay? You know.
[00:09:06] Jeff: Well, you realize that they're human beings, right?
[00:09:09] Like that they are. And, even though they do things at an amazing level, you know, I carried the, I covered the postseason last year, with the nationally and Milky Bets had the worst postseason and. He's unbelievable. He's one of the best players. But what I loved about Mookie was seeing everything he did push towards the team, and we're winning, we're doing great.
[00:09:29] Like that's someone who's confident in himself, and he is building up his teammates, and you know, that's why we have a Mookie Bets poster in my son's room. Like he loves him.
[00:09:37] Lindsay: Oh, I love that.
[00:09:38] Jeff: You know,
[00:09:39] Lindsay: I love that. Okay, so you have the, a platform Pure Athlete that you've now done for a few years. It is amazing.
[00:09:47] Can you explain how it started and what the goal really has been?
[00:09:51] Jeff: Yeah, so there are two guys that live in Atlanta who are older than me. They've had kids go through college, tennis, different things, you know, and so they've been talking about this for like four years. And I got into some, you know, speaking for different companies, different things I do.
[00:10:06] So this one companyI met with this guy, I was speaking for him, down in Atlanta downtown. But we met a few times, and we started talking about our kids, and he was telling me this idea, and I was just getting into it, like. The coaching, my oldest daughter, do we do travel ball? Do we do rec ball?
[00:10:24] You know, my son, who, as I told you, I have two sons. My one 10-year-old son hates baseball. Wants nothing to do with it, can't stand. And so we do lacrosse, we do football. Like he loves it, but it was like, so I'm getting into all this and I was telling him all this and he is like, you know, we talked about starting a podcast and doing something and at that time, you know, I was still doing like a hundred games for the Braves and TBS and my kids were getting older, so I stepped back from the Braves and I do like 20 home games just here in Atlanta when I got nothing going on.
[00:10:55] But, you know, it was more like, I saw such a need for transparency for parents to get, I feel like most parents. I guess it's no different than politics, right? Like, I feel like 80% of the people are normal, like I really do. And then you have this 10% here and this 10% here that are whack jobs, right?
[00:11:16] Like, completely crazy. And I feel like in youth sports, 80% of parents want the same thing for their kids, right? Like they, they want them to have fun, they want them, but there are these other sides that are pulling them, telling them they're being, their kid's gonna be left behind if they don't do lessons at nine years old.
[00:11:33] That, you know, it's all about winning. Where I'm all about the development of these kids. And so I just was like, you know what, man, I'm gonna dig in. We started it, and then the more we reached out to these great athletes, the more they wanted to come on and share their story. And I was like, I think we're onto something, and it's kind of just taken off.
[00:11:53] Lindsay: Yeah, I mean,y u, it's like really striking a nerve. It's sort of, it's striking. Vulnerability in people, and it's also hitting on the thing no one tells you, right? Yeah. So, from your perspective, what is the thing no one tells you that you have learned from your journey?
[00:12:12] Jeff: Man, I mean, there are so many different ways you could go about it, but I think the thing no one tells you right is that, like kids just, they wanna have fun, they wanna be a part of the team.
[00:12:22] And I think one thing coaches don't do a great job of is making every kid feel valued. Like, you know, I coached my 12-year-old girl's softball team. I could ask them, so I did this with my daughter last year. I gave her a pen and I got a pen. I was like, you write the batting order for our 11 girls that you would do, and I'm gonna do it for what I wanna do as a coach.
[00:12:44] And we were one girl off the six and seven holes switching. And so my point is, these kids are smart. They know who's the best, they know who's the most talented. They see it. And not every kid's gonna have that ability. But how can coaches, how can parents make their kid feel valued? Where I might not be the home run hitter on the team, right?
[00:13:04] I might not. I might not shoot. You know, it's like in the NBA, I might not score 35 points, but I can be the best defensive player in the league, make millions of dollars. I can shut down someone. So I think that thing no one tells you is that kids wanna feel valued. They all do not wanna be the best. They want to know they're on a team and feel valued.
[00:13:21] Lindsay: And what age grade, age range, do you think that's really important? And it might be big, I don't know. I haven't asked you that question,
[00:13:28] Jeff: So I categorize. Pure Athlete. Three different stages, like the kindergarten through fifth grade, where, man, I think it's all about development. Kids learning how to play, learning what, you know, force play is learning what a two- three zone defense is teaching nothing but the game.
[00:13:45] Yes, you want 'em to compete, you want 'em to feel that energy in that edge to try to win. But winning does not mean everything I say. When you get to middle school, sixth or eighth grade, you have to start deciding, like, do I want to do this in high school? Right. Because if you do, you're gonna have to put work in it, you know?
[00:14:01] Lindsay: Yeah.
[00:14:02] Jeff: You are. Like, I tell my daughter, we have a cage at home, hitting a net, and I'm like, you have to go down there and put a ball on the tee. You have to go down there and do your footwork drills. If not, in the next few years, these girls are gonna pass you by. And then I think at the high school level, then it's like all in, right?
[00:14:20] Like if you're a sophomore, junior, and you know you can play in college, like go for it, man., implore parents like, go for it. Then, if that means you have to go to Colorado for four days for a camp, like do it. But these kids now, I don't know how much, you know, like they're traveling to Colorado from DC with a nine-year travel baseball team, and I'm like, what are we doing?
[00:14:42] Lindsay: I, yeah, I think it's scary at first of all, you said 80, you think 80 percent's normal. That is really generous, and I think that's wonderful. Like, no, I'm curious. I'm,
[00:14:53] Jeff: So I'm also an optimist. I am like that,
[00:14:56] Lindsay: And that no, that is important and wonderful, and I don't mean that badly. I just, yeah.
[00:15:01] A couple of things. I think that, having a middle schooler, I love hearing that breakdown of ages because you're exactly right. It's like what we've started to see is whether it's baseball or basketball, basketball for us has been interesting, 'cause you start to realize that kids are really getting into maybe more of what they like at that age.
[00:15:21] And that's when you agree that happens, and you're like, oh, they really wanna make a travel team. Yeah. And then, you know, if you don't make that travel team, and then the reality kind of sets in, at least like for us, realizing like, oh, if this is really what a child loves,nand if they're not making that now, those spots are so much fewer and far between.
[00:15:40] Yeah. So, right. So then it's like, to your point, the realization that like, okay, you need the, whatever it is, the training or maybe the outside help, and certainly the practice all the time. But I think that is really interesting. And do you think that? At what age do you think it's important to consider sort of that outside training?
[00:16:02] Or is there a time that you would say, don't do it until,
[00:16:05] Jeff: Well, I have all these parents that are like, my kid gets a hitting lesson at nine years old, or like there's a, yeah, there's a 9-year-old kid doing QB lessons twice a week. And I'm like, I just don't, I personally, I've asked my dad this 'cause I was a great athlete.
[00:16:18] Like I, I was, I'm not bragging, but I was the best on every team I played with the best scenario. And my dad used to say, when you were nine and 10, you didn't understand. The dynamics of what was really going on, right? Like you didn't, even my daughter, we totally redid her swing this year because she's finally, she's five five, you know, she's got some size on her now.
[00:16:38] She's going through puberty. So I'm like, she understands hitting now, she understands her body, what she can do. I don't think that at nine years old, kids can, I think it's parents, take your kid to the cages, you know, like your singles out and shoot baskets for an hour. Like I, you can't be with them at all times.
[00:16:57] You are working, your husband's working, like you're gonna be there, you're gonna do as much as you can. But they have to take accountability. When they hit middle school to me, where it's like you have to put the work in beside, like I tell my daughter, we do a, yeah, we do a fielding lesson a week. And I'm like, I will pay for that.
[00:17:11] I'll drive you. I drive her in traffic in Atlanta, do this. But I'm like, I also need to see. The next day or the following day, you're in the backyard doing some of these drills that they're teaching you. And if you do that, I will continue to take you, and let's do this as long as your heart desires.
[00:17:29] But if you think you're only gonna do that one time a week for one hour, you're not gonna, you're gonna be left behind.
[00:17:37] Lindsay: What, so I love what you do with Pure Athlete and on the podcast, where you do, yes. You have former players, and they share their stories. Yeah. Can you share, were you a workhorse when you were eight or nine?
[00:17:47] Were you? I know you said you were obviously super talented at that point, and it was there, but based on what you just shared about, like your dad saying that you just, you know, was it, what were you like?
[00:17:56] Jeff: No, my dad will tell you I have an older brother and older sister, and my dad will be like, they work twice as hard as you.
[00:18:01] Really like. Yes. My dad was like, you'd come home and he's like, not that you won't wanna play football or something, but he's like, you'd wanna go up and play techno Super Bowl, you know, and do these things. And my dad was like, I had to kick you in the butt sometimes to get outta the house and do stuff.
[00:18:17] So again, that's another thing to parents, like sometimes, like you look at this and like. God gave me an ability; he touched my head and gave me an ability to do some things that other people can't, that my brother and sister never could. And they worked even harder than I did. Now I grew into that where I loved it.
[00:18:34] But you know what I hear from parents all the time? They're like, but my daughter loves it. You know? And I'm like, your daughter's not Serena Williams. Serena Williams is one in a million, one in a billion, right? Like Tiger Woods is one in a billion. Aaron Judge Paul schemes like these people do things that your kids will never be able to do.
[00:18:54] Lindsay: Yeah. And it's really fascinating. I spent some time working in IndyCar, and we just had an opportunity to talk to a lot of these drivers ahead of the season. And I was sort of connecting these dots of like, what makes these guys tick? And the champion who has won multiple championships, Alex Palou.
[00:19:13] Jeff: Yep.
[00:19:13] Lindsay: Everyone was talking about him. They're like, we don't know how he does what he does, and no one can beat him. And it's like the guy just has it, but he also does everything. Right. Yep. And they were using words like maximize, and he's precise, and he's this and he's that. And also though every one of those guys brought up the importance of the team.
[00:19:36] Yep. And how there's this level of like. Comradery. I believe camaraderie wins championships. I don't know if that's dumb, but don't, do you agree that, like chemistry, like teams that you have been a part of that have been super successful? Where has that ranked?
[00:19:51] Jeff: You have bad chemistry, you're not winning. Like I've seen clubhouses be torn down because of bad culture, bad chemistry, and then you've seen teams with lesser talent, but have great chemistry.
[00:20:05] Overcome that and beat those. So I always say that like a good culture doesn't guarantee you winning, but it's gonna guarantee you're gonna have a better chance than having a bad culture. And, this, it's like, I mean, Indiana this year was sign netti, like they had an unbelievable culture.
[00:20:21] Every, there wasn't one interview. That any player gave the impression that it was about them. Everything was about the team, the culture, the fans. And I'm like, so you know what? They buy into that? They have the talent. Look what happened. And it was incredible that
[00:20:35] Lindsay: Yeah, that gave me chills. And he coached, so I went to James Madison.
[00:20:38] Yeah. And what he did there was bananas, and yes, I agree fully. It's like, you don't, it's a secret, special type of belief, you know, so your journey then. You're obviously, you know, an amazing player, and then what happened? What was your trajectory once you hit your middle school years?
[00:20:59] Jeff: Yeah, so I, the great thing was, East Cop baseball down in Atlanta is huge.
[00:21:03] Everybody does it. Okay. Everybody, I mean, you know, Billy Wagner from up in Virginia, they bring their teams down all the time, like it's big-time competition. The great thing for me was that my dad continued to play with me, with my buddies at home. Now we were on a travel team. We got our, we got waxed, like we went to these tournaments and we got beat down pretty good because everybody else was bringing kids in from everywhere, but we were playing in high-level tournaments, right?
[00:21:29] So I was getting better. I was facing great competition. But you know what, the best part was Lindsay. I played with my best friends. I played with the guys who still go on vacation. You know, my wife gave a hard time. We all turned 42 years old and went to Mexico for five days. And she was like, all y'all did was drink margaritas in the pool for five days and talk about the same stories you've told for 25 years.
[00:21:50] But like, I want my kids to have that. It was the greatest time. And my wife was like, I saw such joy for you and me, all my buddies, they went on to be, you know, one's a teacher, one is an anesthesiologist, one like they are very successful, but they never made it. They never played college, they never played.
[00:22:07] So my dad could have taken me outta that situation and put me with other people, but he knew what playing with my buddies meant. Now, as long as we keep playing good competition, right, like my dad likes, we can't be playing in some of these tournaments where you're not gonna get better and develop. But, so I always give my dad a lot of credit through, through middle school and stuff, and I had an older sister who played division three basketball, an older brother who played division two golf.
[00:22:28] So, like, family dynamic was huge for us. So my dad's like, we're not traveling for a week and leaving your mom and those two at home to do whatever. Like, we're just not, that doesn't meet our family standards. And you know, it's it, that's one thing we talk about a lot in peer athlete too. Like, where's the family dynamic in this?
[00:22:45] If y'all are leaving every weekend, you're never together. Where's your marriage? How are you pouring into each other? Where's the communication? Like all that goes hand in hand with what you're trying to accomplish. So I just played. My dad let me play baseball, basketball, and football, and then I got to ninth grade.
[00:23:00] I played all three sports. We had a really good football team, so we played through mid-December and then baseball. So I quit basketball. Just did not have the time. I was a great athlete. I couldn't shoot very well, you know, and then it was like I was six four, which was decent in high school, but we'd go play some other schools, and the dudes are like six, eight, you know?
[00:23:19] And you're like, I'm, yeah. I'm not meant for basketball. So, my dad let me play all three sports, Lindsay. I played basketball, football, and baseball all the way through ninth grade. And then football and baseball just went on so long that there was only about a month off. So I would do football all the way through December, like the 10th.
[00:23:35] 15th. And then we would take three weeks off. Totally. I wouldn't do anything we saw, you know, we'd do Christmas. We'd hang out. My dad's like, you need to rest mentally, physically, everything. Yeah. And then we would always go to Hilton Head from like over New Year's to like January 5th, we'd golf, we'd do all this stuff as a family.
[00:23:55] And then we got home, and it was like, now we picked up a baseball bat, and I went into baseball, ll and I played baseball all the way through late June. But even those travel teams have played through July. Like my mom, from July 1st through the 10th, we went to the beach every year. She was like, these are my 10 days to have my kids with me.
[00:24:13] And that's what I would do. And I never got pressured by even people who would come up to my dad, why are you letting, especially like my junior year, you know, I was a top, gonna be a top first round pick in baseball. They were my dad. They were like, why are you letting your son play football? My dad was like, let him, he's played since he was six years old.
[00:24:30] These are his best friends. Like he loves it. And you know, I ended up committing to go to Clemson to play football and baseball, and if anything, it made me more money in the draft. Right. I was a two-sport athlete, so they had to buy me out of my college football.
[00:24:42] Lindsay: So part of that, the moral of that story is let them play with their friends.
[00:24:48] Let them do what makes them happy.
[00:24:51] Jeff: Yeah, for sure. And, but it's gotta be competitive, right? Like you, you have to have a balance. Every kid's different, right? Like, if you have three kids, you can't, for you, ou what I think yours are, what? 11 and nine? You can’t exactly. You have to discipline them differently.
[00:25:06] Probably you have to, you know, some of them are, you know, respond differently to yelling or criticism. Yeah. Like, so know each one of your kids and know what helps them out, and then go down that journey with them.
[00:25:18] Lindsay: What were you seeing that made you feel like you really wanted to? Go and lean into the Pure Athlete format.
[00:25:27] Like what types of things did you observe, even with your own kids or in your community?
[00:25:32] Jeff: Horrible coaches, horrible parents yelling at their kids when they're seven. I'm like, they can't comprehend. They don't know what's going on. And, honestly, stealing the joy way. As I talk about this a lot, men, the mental side is never talked about enough.
[00:25:46] It's always the physical aspect of what an athlete is and all this. And I feel like it's finally starting to come to the forefront with people speaking out about the mental side. Yeah, but think about this, like my daughter's in middle school, she's going through puberty. Like she's trying to fit in with all her friends, right?
[00:26:03] Like you're trying to find out where you belong. So all day you go through school. Let's be honest. It's like you're walking on eggshells. Did he, she sasaiddoes he like you? Does this. So now tthey'reone with that. Where was the outlet when we were growing up? The outlet was sports. Like we went out and had fun.
[00:26:19] Your mind was free; you were doing this. Now it's like, hey, we have an hour hitting lesson, then we gotta go to an hour of basketball. These, there's tons of people doing two sports in one day, not just in the same season, but in one day. And I'm like, where does your kid get a relax? Where does your kid get a break?
[00:26:34] Where do they turn off their head? And so I'm like, all of a sudden these kids are getting to where they can't handle anymore, and then they want to quit. And it's just, it's not, a healthy, like that was my thing. Let's do this healthily. And I mean, we've had over what, 120 athletes, female, male mental coaches, and they all say the same thing.
[00:26:56] And so I'm like to these parents, if all these people are preaching the same thing. Don't you think they're right? Like, don't you think this is the right answer?
[00:27:05] Lindsay: And what is the main thing that they're preaching?
[00:27:07] Jeff: they're preaching is to let your kids develop a passion for what they're doing. And I learned this now, two different themes.
[00:27:14] My daughter, when she was six years old, we signed her up for softball. We went to the first game. I didn't coach that year, and I told my wife, I'm like, we made the worst athletic child ever. I'm like, she sucks. I'm like, I mean, I'm like, what happened? I was six four, all athlete. My wife ran track and played tennis in high school.
[00:27:34] I'm like, where did this go wrong? You know? And now my daughter's 12, and she's a great softball player. She plays flag football, and she's really good. But she developed a love for the game, right? So with her loving the game, she wanted to get better. She wanted me to teach her. She wants to go hit and do these things, but I think if I had pushed that on her at her age.
[00:27:57] Eight, nine, it would've ended differently. And even the way I coach changed two years ago, she was hitting, and she swung at a bad pitch. And you know, my wife gives me crap 'cause I swung at bad pitches all the time. You know, that slider loads away. So, my daughter swung at a bad pitch, and she looked down to me at third, and I didn't, I put my head down and gave the old shake, you know, like, what are you doing?
[00:28:20] Yeah. Right. And we get in the car after the game, and my daughter goes, dad, I'm gonna be honest with you, when you did that, all the confidence in me just went out the window. And I, and dude, it, I almost ran off the road. Like, it hit me so hard. 'cause I'm like, you know, who do the kids look to? They look to their moms and dads.
[00:28:38] They want support from them. Now, does it mean we're not gonna get into it, and we're not gonna have to? We talk about the car ride home a lot, right? Like, where kids want to quit when they play all day, they get in the car, and then their mom or dad goes through this 30-minute thing of all the crap they did wrong.
[00:28:53] And it's like they don't want to hear about that, right? Then. So I do a thing with my kids now, I'm coach, or I'm dad, so I get in the car.
[00:29:00] Lindsay: Oh, that's amazing. Yeah.
[00:29:02] Jeff: I get in the car, I always wear a hat, right? So I have my hat. So I get in the car, and I take my hat off, and I put it on the dashboard.
[00:29:10] I got a truck, and I'm like, if when the cat's off, I'm dad. And, most of the time on the way home, we talk about trips we're gonna take, maybe, you know, where I'm pulling a game next week, just anything, their friends or whatever. And then what we usually do is we go to bed the next day, we wake up, you know, whatever.
[00:29:31] If it's a school day, if it's a Monday, they go to school, and then that night we maybe sit down and talk for five, 10 minutes. Like, these were a couple of the things that you did wrong, and we need to try to work on to correct them. But it gives them time to comprehend. It gives me time to probably calm down, and it's just, they don't feel that pressure of like, God, I'm gonna get in the car and I'm gonna get blasted for what I did.
[00:29:53] Lindsay: Yeah. That is a great tool. I love that.
[00:29:56] Jeff: Yeah.
[00:29:57] Lindsay: What do you? Think is a good baseline for parents if you're not coaching and you're a parent that's on the sideline. I've started to notice, you know, some posters that they've got up, like where my son's basketball and stuff, and it's like, talks about parents, you know, you are not here to coach, like, you know, different things.
[00:30:19] Yeah. But I love that anecdote about the hat, and is there something that you think is a good, you know, point of reference for parents who are, maybe, you know, the ones that maybe you need to hold back, maybe you don't, but like, what is good to do on the sidelines?
[00:30:38] Jeff: I think, you know, there's a study that says who do kids love to come watch and play?
[00:30:42] You know, who's number one on that grandparents? You wanna know why? Because my dad is as tough as he was on me. I'll watch my daughter not play a great game, and my dad tells her she was the best in the world and gives her a hug and a kiss, right? And I'm like. Time out. Dad. Where was that? When I played, when I was 10.
[00:31:02] Right. You know, we joke about it, but honestly, like kids just want support. They want, they need you in their corner. Right. Like, so that's what I do with my travel softball team on Saturday. I, when we play, we'll play three or four games. I tell 'em I'm your biggest cheerleader. I'm not coaching.
[00:31:19] There's only, unless your attitude sucks or you're not hustling, I will never yell at the girls. I'll never raise my voice. I'll never say, as long as they're doing those things, this is y'all's time to go out there. Now, when we practice, I'm loud, I correct things like we're very intense and practicing.
[00:31:36] But in the games, they need support, man. They don't need someone, you know, looking down or their dad, get your back elbow up. You know, George Brett, who got really close to in Kansas City, he did the greatest thing. He was this kid. He coached his son's travel ball team, and all these dads would sit in the stands, you know, get a hit swing at this and just yell at their kids.
[00:31:56] So George one day called a practice and told all the dads they were gonna hit. So George, oh, that's amazing. George threw BP to every single dad, and he was like, dude, it was embarrassing. These dads sucked. A lot of 'em couldn't even touch the ball. He was doing this. So George, finally, the end of practice was like.
[00:32:14] Will y'all shut up now when? When your kid's playing because you are no good. So if you can't even do it, how do you expect your kid to do it? And I love that. Is that not so good? Like,
[00:32:24] Lindsay: That's amazing. And what did the dads do?
[00:32:27] Jeff: They all shut up. And he is like, we had the best season. KThe kidshad fun. We didn't go on to win every game, but he's like, it was healthy.
[00:32:34] It was fun for the kids, and it took all the pressure off it. And you know, the other thing, and, you know, I always talk about this, have realistic expectations for your kids. I think as parents, what I see is these parents set their kids up, thinking they can do these things. And it's like, you can't do it.
[00:32:53] You know, you can't, yeah, you physically can't. Doesn't mean you're not gonna get there. Doesn't mean you're going, but like these parents at 10 years old, right? There might be a 10-year-old kid who's the biggest, strongest, fastest in the school. And so he can do things that other kids can't.
[00:33:07] Well, don't tell your kid that's what you should be doing because they realistically can't. So I always say, don't set your kid up for failure by telling them, Hey, go hit a home run. And it's like, you know, if you take your kid out there and throw him a thousand balls during batting practice, he cannot hit one over that fence.
[00:33:23] So why are you telling them to do it?
[00:33:26] Lindsay: And also, you know, then there's the growth piece. Kids, yes. Go at different times, and some just won't, you know, in time. And it's, it, yeah, that's really great advice too. What, when you were in the majors, when you think about it, I know there have been so many lessons, but like, if there are things that are most important to you as a dad to impart on your kids from your time in the majors, what is that?
[00:33:50] What are those things?
[00:33:52] Jeff: The way you handle yourself, the way that you walk about helping teammates, being a good teammate. That's what I always tell, like you, you know, the old saying, it's easy when you throw for 350 yards to get in front of a camera and say this. It's hard when you throw in for 112 and three interceptions and cost yourself, cost your team maybe the game.
[00:34:12] I love seeing the dudes get up there and have accountability in what they did, you know, and. Phrase other teammates. That's why David Wright became one of my favorite teammates when I played with the Mets for those two years in New York. Yeah. Because every game, no matter good or bad for him, the team, he would answer, you know, 80 reporters' questions in that New York clubhouse, and he would always be trying to lift other players on pedestals.
[00:34:37] And I always said David knew how good he was. he didn't need to pat himself on the back. He didn't need someone to write an article about him, how good he was. Like, he was always praising other teammates. And I say this like, right, like you two are raising two, two kids, nine 11. Like as much as you love seeing your son score 10 points in a game.
[00:34:56] Like, isn't it cool to see your kid help out another kid, or like set up another kid that never scores, and he's trying to pass them the ball to score because it's like, man, then we're raising them the right way and the things that truly matter. And, so like that's what I preach to a lot of my kids, is like, as much as I love sports and you're doing great.
[00:35:17] Living a life of significance and impact will always outweigh what you're doing on the sports field.
[00:35:23] Lindsay: Yeah. Or like, you know, seeing them Yeah. High five or something. Yes. Does something. You're right. There's nothing that feels better than that. absolutely. And realizing too, that character is kind of coming through.
[00:35:36] What about a time, where there was something hard that was happening, or, you know, a time when you, I don't wanna use the word fail, but you failed at trying to build something in the field. Daniel Jones was talking about how he gets himself beyond when he throws an interception. And I thought that was fascinating just to hear.
[00:35:53] How about for you, what is that mindset? I don't know if you share it with the kids that you coach or not. Yeah. But how did you get past any of those moments?
[00:36:02] Jeff: I think in this world that we live in today, right? Likewise, there's so much negativity there, truly. It blows me away. I'm on Instagram for Pure Athletes, and that's it.
[00:36:13], can't stand hearing all the negatives. As I said, I'm a very positive person. So even when I sucked, like I found a way to keep myself up and going, but I surrounded myself with great people that could pour into me, right? Like people that I trust. And, you know, I heard a quote and I'm sure Aaron Rodgers got it from somebody, but it said this year when Mike Tomlin was going through all, like, that's a perfect example, right?
[00:36:36] Like Mike Tomlin, one of the best human beings and coaches I know. Yeah. 19 winning seasons. And people are just never happy, right? Like, you're never gonna make people happy. And I get it, you don't want a playoff game. You haven't done this stuff, but at the end of the day, like, you know what truly matters.
[00:36:52] And so I would find guys and my wife, my mom and dad, as I knew, that knew me, you know, I was grounded in my faith. I knew that there was a bigger purpose in what I was doing, and realizing that, ultimately, as I said, that's gonna be such a small part of your life playing sports. Like, if I look to be 80 years old, I played what, 12 and a half years in the big leagues, it's gonna be what, 13, 14% of my life.
[00:37:17] Like so, what are you gonna do? You know, the other stuff. And that's where I talk about priorities. Like, this world has shifted so much. Like when I grew up in my family, it was God, first it was our family. Second, it was school third and sports were fourth. And I feel like that is totally flipped. And now, like, you know, I talk about this a lot on the podcast with my faith, like families never go to church on Sunday anymore.
[00:37:43] Lindsay: I was gonna ask you about this.
[00:37:44] Jeff: And, for us, it's a non-negotiable. Like I, we go to church on Sunday morning as a family, and you know, now there are a few tournaments throughout the year that we might travel somewhere? Yes, but I'm saying if you're showing your kids at three out of four weeks.
[00:37:58] You're gonna play on Sunday morning instead of going to church? What are you showing your kids that our priorities are?
[00:38:03] Lindsay: Yeah, I, so I actually teach a religious ed class. We have a really complex faith situation 'cause I'm Catholic and
[00:38:10] Jeff: Yeah,
[00:38:11] Lindsay: My husband's not. So we join our kids to two churches, which is not popular, but it's just what we do.
[00:38:16] Jeff: It works for y'all.
[00:38:18] Lindsay: It works. And it's the same exact thing. And it's so funny that you brought that up 'cause I was going to ask you,, 'cause I haven't really had the opportunity ever to talk to a pro athlete about that. But, but the Catholic church, yeah. I'm just gonna share this. They're, they are, you know, they don't understand why there are so many kids that just, that's what happens.
[00:38:36] They don't come and they can't, you know, and you understand that is a culture that has sort of, has crept into the community. Absolutely. And parents that you know, that you feel like you, your kids have to be there. And we try to do the same thing. Like we really do try to, if there's a clinic. Or something, you know, not sign up for the one that's gonna cut into that time.
[00:38:58] Absolutely. I think that's really key. Now, to your point, ye,s there are tournaments and stuff that like, okay,
[00:39:04] Jeff: There are exceptions. Yes, there's no doubt.
[00:39:06] Lindsay: But every, like the Catholic church has a five o'clock mass the night before.
[00:39:09] Jeff: Yeah, exactly. No, like you have opportunities, but what I'm saying is if every week you're trying to do that.
[00:39:15] Yeah. And you know what's funny is I asked my dad about that 'cause I played travel baseball and did this. Yeah. And that's where my dad said, son, when we grew up in Atlanta, when you were younger, games on Sundays and start till one o'clock. Like they would never book tournaments. Right? But now you know as well as I do, AU basketball and baseball.
[00:39:32] Yeah, it's all money, man. They're making money by starting at eight o'clock on Sunday mornings doing this. And people are just doing it. And what I wanna be aware of is you have choices. And if you're on a team and the coach is like, no, you can't miss on Sunday mornings, you know what? Go find a different team.
[00:39:49] There's a better team for your kids. Or if you go on that team, be very upfront, that's like, Hey, we're gonna miss a few Sundays for church, but every Sunday we are not gonna be at the ballpark at 9:00 AM And set that expectation right off the bat.
[00:40:05] Lindsay: That's really great advice. Just be clear about it. Own it.
[00:40:10] Yeah. And maybe there's a happy medium or some sort of understanding, at least that you can accomplish. I really appreciate that advice. I think that's,
[00:40:16] Jeff: Yeah,
[00:40:17] Lindsay: And it, because it is, it's something that you, I wish it was the way that it was when your dad was talking about that. 'Cause it's just,
[00:40:23] Jeff: Yeah, you'd never learn
[00:40:23] Lindsay: Work
[00:40:24] Jeff: About it. He's like, we play all day. We don't, we play all day Saturday,, and then your first game Sunday was at one o'clock, so, you know.
[00:40:31] Lindsay: Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, I actually checked a box to fill in for a teacher with the religious ed thing. And that person ended up not being able to teach. So that's how I ended up as a teacher.
[00:40:42] And I did not feel at all like I was qualified to do this. But what I started doing wass I used sports to teach my kids.
[00:40:50] Jeff: Yes.
[00:40:51] Lindsay: They love it because I literally will pull, sometimes it's just quotes from a post-game where a player thanks God or whatever. I do think that there's just so much value in the lessons that come from anyone's triumph or hardship or whatever it is.
[00:41:07] It's such a tool to teach the bigger life lessons.
[00:41:10] Jeff: Absolutely, and that's why, right? Like, why do you want your kids to play sports? Why I want my kids to play sports is the life lessons they learn. And I dig into that with parents. I'm like, what's your goal? Your kids are 10. What's your goal for them this year?
[00:41:24] Playing on a basketball team, and it's not like. If the first word's like, man, I hope they dropped 20. Right? Or they have a double or do this. Like we might need to talk, like there might be some issues going on that you need to do it, but it's like, I want my kids to learn a work ethic, you know, being a great teammate, man, failing.
[00:41:43] Like, we don't talk about that enough. The greatest lessons I ever learned are from adversity. Like I remember, you know, my wife, she speaks the truth, man. She was an English teacher who went to Georgia. We've known each other since third grade. So we started dating in high school, and after nine years in the big leagues, I had a horrible year.
[00:42:03] In 2013, we had just had our first baby, and we had two miscarriages. It was really rough. We finally had a baby, and I was playing for the Giants in San Fran, so you know, a one-week-old baby camp travel. So I was out there all by myself. Yeah. I became depressed. I was brutal. So I had to sign a minor league deal the next year,r and I ended up on the El Paso Chihuahuas.
[00:42:26] The Triple A team for the San Diego Padres. So my wife's my, yeah. Oh yeah. My wife brings a nine-month-old al to El Paso. Right. We get a one-bedroom apartment.
[00:42:38] Lindsay: Oh my God.
[00:42:38] Jeff: Needless to say, we have a beautiful house at home on a golf course on three acres, you know, and she's living in a one-bedroom apartment.
[00:42:46] But I was the first two, three weeks out there, I was horrible. I was feeling sorry for myself. I wasn't playing well. And my wife one night was like, look, if you're gonna suck, then just come home. Like, let's go home. I'm not enjoying living in this Renta van and, you know, driving my nine-month-old, you know, and she's like, you know, right across from the stadium, you look down, there's Juarez, Mexico, you know, and it's like capital murder of the world.
[00:43:11] Murder capital of the world. And, but, she taught me something even more. She's like, you're so worried about yourself right now. You've been in the big leagues for nine years, and you have 25 guys on this team who are dying to get one day in the big leagues. Right? Like, waiting for that call. Yeah.
[00:43:27] They want you to help 'em answer questions, do this. And it totally shifted my perspective, and I spent the next three months getting back to the big leagues and played another, you know, three and a half years. But it totally itches. Shifted my perspective, man. And I started working with these kids in the cage.
[00:43:44] I started going out early, teaching them some things in the outfield. And you know what happened? I fell in love with the game again. I had fun. I started smiling, I started laughing. And it's like, but we take it too seriously, right? And we're so worried about what's in it for us that we forget, you know, literally that being a servant, helping others is the single greatest thing you can do.
[00:44:07] Lindsay: And you think about, right? It's like, and I think part of what happens there is expectations. And you get in your head, you're exactly right. It's like there are so many factors just in life that sort of compile from time to time and make you lose sight of that. But I think what's really important is that you can always find that bac,k and that's what you do.
[00:44:28] Jeff: Absolutely. I did. And it's tough conversations, right? It's my wife telling me, yes, she told me off, man. Like I was thinking we were gonna have a different dinner. She was gonna listen to me whine. And she's like, enough, I'm done. I can't do it.
[00:44:41] Lindsay: That is so cool. Your wife sounds amazing. I would love to hang out with her. Yeah. And also the humor there. The humor.
[00:44:47] Jeff: Oh yeah.
[00:44:47] Lindsay: First of all, that's a movie I would watch, 'cause it sounds like an amazing Disney film. But the fact that it's the chihuahuas, like, just, do you know what I mean? Like you can,
[00:44:58] Jeff: I still have the jersey. We have a picture of Emmic Kate, my nine-month-old, hugging me in the Chihuahuas jersey.
[00:45:04] It's one of my favorite pics that we have. Oh my God.
[00:45:06] Lindsay: We might need to get that picture to show.
[00:45:07] Jeff: You. It's unbelievable. And so like anything, though, like, right, like we. As parents for our kids, they're gonna lose track of things, right? They wanna be the best they can be. And so it's coming beside them.
[00:45:20] I actually, you're gonna make fun of me, but I'm technologically awful. The only reason I know how to get on this is 'cause we do Riverside now, and everybody's taught me. My wife hates it, 'cause I don't have a Google calendar. So this is my calendar. It's old school.
[00:45:33] Lindsay: I'm, wow.
[00:45:35] Jeff: I have a handwritten calendar.
[00:45:36] Lindsay: You print it off yourself.
[00:45:37] Jeff: Oh yeah. Staple it, do all this stuff. But I have a quote every month at the top that I share with our kids. And the quote this month is, the goal is not perfection, it's awareness and adjustment. And I think our cares are, our kids are so scared to fail because it's on social media.
[00:45:54] Right? Or you can film it now. A kid, a guy striking out, swinging at a bad pitch, jumping off sites, whatever, it's where we came up, we didn't have that. No one, unless you have the big VCR camera, you know, you weren't filming anything.
[00:46:07] Lindsay: Of course.
[00:46:07] Jeff: So kids are scared to do it. And I tell 'em all the time, it's perfection's never gonna happen.
[00:46:12] Being the best isn't always gonna happen, but it's being aware and then adjusting. So let's figure this out. You know, my daughter's great, no. Last year, the third softball tournament we had, she got in the car, and she was like, man, did I suck today? And I was like, I started laughing. 'cause I'm like, yes, you did.
[00:46:28] Like you were horrible. There's no doubt about it. And we laughed together, and the next day we're like, alright, let's put extra work in this week. Right? Like, let's go to the cages two or three more times. She was aware that she wasn't good. We made the adjustments, and she came out and played great the next weekend.
[00:46:44] Like that's all you want.
[00:46:45] Lindsay: When she laughed with you about that, were you wearing your hat or did you have no hat?
[00:46:49] Jeff: No, I had no hat. And that's why when she said that, it was funny. Yeah, because I think she actually wanted to talk about it. She was very mad. And I told her, we'll go in tomorrow. But I did have to get the jab in.
[00:47:01] I was like, you did suck today. I was like, that was not a great day at the office. Oh my God. But you know, it's like, I, look, I, struck out over a thousand times in my career in the big leagues, like, you know, it's, gonna happen. And I told you, you know, I tell all the teams I coach, like, this is a game.
[00:47:18] Every game's a game of failure. How can you get better, and how can you learn from it?
[00:47:24] Lindsay: So good. I, I had to ask my mom friends if they had any questions because I was so excited to be able to.o Yeah. To speak to you about this. So I have a couple just real quick Yeah. Before we say bye. And I wanted to get your take on this.
[00:47:38] So one of my friends said kids are pushed so much these days to specialize. I think it's a lot for growing bodies to handle. I would like to know what the top three things are that Jeff recommends for kids in order to increase longevity in sport and not end up with an injury like a torn ACL or other major injury before they're finished growing?
[00:47:57] Jeff: Oh man, I love that question because all the athletes I ask, none of them ever specialized.Misty May-Treanor. She was gonna Long Beach State to play, to play soccer.
[00:48:07] Lindsay: Yes.
[00:48:09] Jeff: And, look, I rowdy Gaines, who we had on God, I loved him. We had so much fun. Yeah. He never even started swimming until his junior year of high school.
[00:48:15] 'cause he got cut from his basketball and baseball teams. And he was like,
[00:48:18] Lindsay: Oh my God,
[00:48:18] Jeff: That's my dad. And he was like, my dad was like, swimming's your last thing left, buddy. He is like, that's all you can do. And so, but I will tell you this, we have an episode and teller Dr. Ne, Dr. Neri, he's at Emory, you know, in Atlanta.
[00:48:33] And he has the best information on that, on injuries and kids that specialize too early. And it is through the roof. Through the roof. And my sister, her daughter, is a senior at Whitfield Academy down here and plays basketball at the time. The amount of torn acls in these young females is alarming. It's ridiculous, really.
[00:48:56] And I talk about it in baseball, the amount of Tommy John's. I saw Dr. Andrews two years ago in the playoffs, and he told me he had just done three Tommy Johns on 12-year-old boys. And I'm like, what?
[00:49:07] Lindsay: Why is that? Because
[00:49:09] Jeff: They're just, they're, they never have a break. They're throwing nonstop.
[00:49:13] They're doing these things, and I'm like, your body, your mind, all that needs a break. And that's the great thing. Kurt Cousins came on with this and talked about it. He's like, I played basketball in high school for two and a half months. He's like, I was not good. I was like the 11th person on the team. I barely played, but he is like, I played with my buddies and it got me a break from the other sports.
[00:49:31] So when I did crank back up playing baseball and football I was excited to be there. You know, I've heard Max Scherzer talk about this all the time. Like in high school, in college, he didn't throw all the time. You know, he came up as a bullpen guy, so he had tons of bullets left in his arm when he started playing.
[00:49:48] Lindsay: Wow.
[00:49:49] Jeff: You know? Yeah. Now these kids are coming up and they're all Tommy John by high school, if not first or second year of college. And I'm like, shame on us as parents and coaches for allowing this stuff to happen.
[00:50:02] Lindsay: That is, that is
[00:50:03] Jeff: So, so I say more than anything, I would, yeah, I would tell your friend, like I, I give it from more than anything, from an injury perspective for your son or daughter, like to keep them healthy.
[00:50:15] They cannot do the same thing every day over and over.
[00:50:19] Lindsay: So in that vein, the next one was, what does he suggest for kids who wanna switch sports later but aren't up to speed enough, since kids have specialized so much, his private lessons, specialized skills programs, or rec leagues, et cetera, the best way?
[00:50:34] Jeff: Yeah, and I get that question because parents, what they feel like, a lot of time my wife included me and her butt heads on this. 'cause there'll be times like, well, are they gonna be left behind? Right? Yeah. Like, are they gonna be so far behind? And that's where I'm like. I don't buy that. Like, if your kid starts playing baseball in fifth grade, who cares?
[00:50:53] You know, Lorenzo Cain, the center fielder, who I played with in Kansas City, won a World Series, all that. He'd start playing organized baseball till he was in 10th grade in high school and went on to a, you know, 15-year big league career. Now I get, there's outliers, there's this and that. But if your kid is decent and he has a passion for it, then yeah, if you start 'em later, like in fifth, sixth, seventh grade, you might have to work a little harder, right?
[00:51:16] Like, you might have to go to the cages, or you might have to do something more. But I will never believe the whole day starts too late. Like I, I don't, like I didn't, all my son's friends played football, and I didn't let him play until this year, until he was 10 for the first time. 'cause I just, I was like, I didn't want him to take the big hit, never wanna play again.
[00:51:37] And I'm like, so was he behind when he went out there to start the year? Yeah. He didn't know a lot of the plays. He didn't know where he was going. And so, you know what my advice was to him? Ask your coaches thousands of questions. Be a sponge out there, man. Soak up everything, learn everything. And all of a sudden, by the end of the year, he had caught on.
[00:51:54] Now we're doing flag football. You know, he'll play football in the fall, and he'll be right where he needs to be. But this whole idea
[00:52:00] Lindsay: Tackle in the fall.
[00:52:02] Jeff: Yeah, He'll do tackle again. And he loved it. But my point was that he was big enough to understand now and maybe get hit hard, but he wasn't hurt.
[00:52:10] I didn't want my kid at six seven to take that big hit and be like, I don't wanna play anymore, 'cause it hurt.
[00:52:15] Lindsay: Yes. I love that. Be a sponge. That's great. Okay, and this is the last one, my friend said. My thoughts on this are more around how a lot of kids who are playing all are forced into playing on these club teams.
[00:52:27] 'cause we've taken away sports as part of the school curriculum. And then when they get to a school like a high school, the ability to play on those sports teams is limited because they play at such an elite level. So in some way we've taken sports out of schools, which I think is destructive. Anyway, there seems to be a pervasive thought process around communities like ours that sports, in particular, unique sports, are a ticket into elite colleges.
[00:52:49] So how does one balance all of that when it feels like the odds are stacked against these kids from the start?
[00:52:56] Jeff: They are, I mean, I love that question, 'cause the odds are stacked against them, right? Like they are, you wanna tell 'em that? And some of these parents, I wanna tell you, if you actually saved all the money from when your kid was eight to 18 that you put into lessons and all this stuff, you probably could pay at least two years of college, right?
[00:53:16] Lindsay: That's true.
[00:53:17] Jeff: You could, but I, my, my whole thing with that again is like, I actually agree with that, and Julie Foudy is one of my favorite, I love her people. We have on, and we had her on, you know, she does TNT soccer. So we've stayed in contact with, you know, both of us working for Warner Brothers, although who knows how all that stuff's gonna go now with the TV stuff, but whatever we're gonna be called at some point.
[00:53:39] But we talk a lot because she's like, they wanted her daughter to not play high school soccer and just play club. And she's like. And I don't know how you are, but like me, some of my greatest times were playing in a high school with my buddies, wearing that school across your chest, like admitting something.
[00:53:54] And so my dad didn't take that away. And Julie, I love it. She gave her, her daughter. She's like, no, you're playing for your high school. Yes. It might not be as competitive, it might not be whatever, but like I always say, have a pulse of what your kid does because ultimately you're in charge. You know what I'm saying?
[00:54:09] Don't let a coach, don't let an instructor, all these instructors, you know, that are doing this and there's some great ones out there, don't get me wrong, but like if you're paying them $150 for an hour pitching lesson and you're doing it every week, of course they're gonna call me and be like, Hey, she's really doing good.
[00:54:26] She needs to pitch. And I'm like, yeah, 'cause she's paying you 600 bucks this month. Like, you pay me 600 bucks, I'll call your coach and be like, man, she's ready. And so I'm like, again, that's where I come, like, have a feel. But let your kids, because of what she said at the end, the odds are stacked against you.
[00:54:44] And I'm not saying don't dream big. People ask me all the time, you know, when did you think that you could play at an elite college level, and if you ask my dad wasn't until going into my senior year, honestly. I played on the team, I played on Team USA, and we went to Cuba for three weeks. It's actually really cool.
[00:55:06] We played with Castro and the championship game, sitting right behind home plate. Wow. Like, it was surreal. We were down there for three weeks. And it was unbelievable. But I came home from that, and I made the tournament team, and I never played any of those tournaments. So if you actually go look at the rankings for the top hundred juniors in the state, in the country, I was not on the rankings.
[00:55:26] And all of a sudden, going into my senior year, the rankings came out, and I was six. Whoa be because I finally went to something where everybody was there. But it's like, so if I got ranked in ninth grade, what does that matter? Who cares? No one was drafting me then, you know, I wasn't committing to a college.
[00:55:44] So I, I always like to say like, when you get to high school, if your kid has something special, and you should know it by now, and people will tell you, then I'm all on board, man. Like, go in with your kid and give them the best opportunity to play in college, to get drafted, to do whatever. But like you said, the odds are stacked against you that's your kid.
[00:56:03] And so what if that's not your kid? What do you want? Again? And we've, what we've talked about for the last 45 minutes, I want my kid to have the best experience, play with friends, and learn the greatest possible lessons they can.
[00:56:16] Lindsay: Oh my God, I would just love to continue this conversation for four.
[00:56:20] Jeff: Oh yeah,
[00:56:22] Lindsay: Jeff, you are the best.
[00:56:23] This is so insightful. I'm, thank you for taking the time to answer those questions, because, gosh, as you covered so much that I feel like is right at the core of not just where our kids are now, mine at 11 and nine years at similar ages that run that gamut, but where they're gonna be for a while.
[00:56:42] So, before we let you go, what are the goals for your kids playing sports? You've talked about them, but can you just, you know, in a nutshell, reiterate? Yeah. So people have to take it with them.
[00:56:56] Jeff: I want my kids to learn how to work for something that if you work, you're gonna get better, right? Like you take ownership.
[00:57:03] Accountability, we don't talk about that enough, right? Like, teach your kids how to be accountable. Like, you know, if you're gonna put this work in, you're gonna get better. I want them to learn how to be great teammates. Likewise, you look at all the years in the big leagues, and my skills the last year or two probably diminished some.
[00:57:21] And, but you know what? I kept getting the benefit of the doubt when I played in Philly and then back with the Braves. 'Cause it's like he's a great teammate, right? Like
[00:57:28] Lindsay: Yeah,
[00:57:28] Jeff: people want good teammates on the team, and you're gonna be..
[00:57:31] Lindsay: It's like having him there matters.
[00:57:33] Jeff: Absolutely. He's gonna invest in other kids that we have and teach them the right way to do it.
[00:57:38] So be a great teammate. Learn how to be unselfish, right? Like, there are times that you know, you're not gonna get the game-winning basket or the game-winning hit. But be excited for your friends. Be excited for your teammates who are going through. And then the best lesson I think you can learn is learn how to fail.
[00:57:55] Learn how to fail and fight back. Because man, is there anything better than watching your kid? Be upset about something, do this, whether it's school, right? Like it's a, maybe a math test where they got a 50 on and you see them spend the next three nights, an hour or two, and work, and they get that grade and it's 96 and you're like, holy crap.
[00:58:16] Like this came together. Right? And so that's what I learned from all the stuff from adversity. I mean, those were the greatest lessons I ever learned. And as parents, though, it's hard to do, right? But sometimes you gotta let your kids go through adversity. Don't bail 'em out, you know, don't bail 'em out.
[00:58:34] I know it's tough. My wife does this all the time. I actually put my little 7-year-old daughter to bed last night with only eating a little bit of dinner because we had warned her time after time she was misbehaving, and it was done. And my wife kept wanting to go up there and take her something. She's gonna be hungry.
[00:58:50] And I'm like, Nope, she's done. And so, I was like, she will learn. She got up and ate the biggest breakfast you've ever seen this morning.
[00:58:58] Lindsay: I was gonna say, what happened? That's awesome.
[00:59:00] Jeff: But she was in the happiest mood. She kissed me, she kissed my wife, said bye, all this stuff. So my point is, it's like kids are resilient, but they need to learn lessons, they gotta build toughness.
[00:59:10] Lindsay: And by the way, that stuff you said to me about just being someone that people, you know, a good teammate that applies in every single industry, you know, not just sports, those are lessons.
[00:59:19] Jeff: Anything
[00:59:19] Lindsay: You just said that is like the key for all of it.
[00:59:22] Jeff: You know, it's like you with your job, you know the people that are gonna brighten your day when you see 'em, and it's like they're gonna bring, so I wanna be around those people.
[00:59:30] Lindsay: Yeah. And I mean, you know, sometimes I watch my husband and what he does in his work, I sort of marvel that like he really knows everyone's name and he really takes the time, and somehow, sometimes I'm like, how does he know everyone, you know? But that stuff really matters. That's a really big deal.
[00:59:45] And it's like. It's not that hard, you know?
[00:59:48] Jeff: No. And to one person that probably never gets noticed, has a job that no one ever says, great job or Thanks. Yeah. And by Craig. By Craig going by and just saying, Hey, how's it going, John? And knowing his name lights the world up for that dude for the rest of the day.
[01:00:04] Lindsay: Yes. Yes indeed. All right. Well, Jeff, I hope to talk to you again.
[01:00:09] Jeff: You too. We'll bring more questions, but you are the best. Thank you so much, and good luck as the season kicks off and just with all your work and with Pure. Oh
[01:00:18] yeah. I got my calendar right here. All the kids' schedules, man. Ready to roll. Luck. Yeah. No crowds.
[01:00:25] Lindsay: I mean, the Chihuahuas, that story, I just. If that doesn't give you perspective, I don't know what does. I am so grateful to Jeff for joining us onThings No One Tells You, and just being so honest and open and listening. I hope that all of your kids make it to the big leagues in any sport that they're in.
[01:00:44] But no, I just, I think this conversation is so important. I am sure if you guys have kids, the horror in youth sports, maybe this is something that's crossed your mind, but I know I certainly think about it as we're navigating just the love of the sport and what we think we need to do to get our kids to the next level.
[01:01:02] I also, honestly, I just love the conversation. About faith with him. I think that's really important and really cool to hear his perspective. So everything that Jeff has talked about in terms of Pure Athlete, what they're doing, you can find that information in our show notes. As always, if you liked this episode, if you're loving things you're hearing on Things No One Tells You, please, you know, like, subscribe, review.
[01:01:26] The best way you can help us, probably, is by sharing an episode with a friend. Thanks for being a part of this community, and I can't wait to see you next time. Thanks so much for joining me. I can't wait to see you back here next week. Please don't forget, follow and subscribe to things no one tells you.
[01:01:41] And of course, if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, don't forget to leave a five-star review because that's really what helps people get more. Listeners, we would love to grow this community. We are so grateful that you're a part of it. See you next time.
